


No repay needed

by NotAfraid



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Distrust, Fear, Grief, Issues, Love, M/M, Medical stuff, Reunion, Slightly cheesy maybe, Thanos is a mean ass bitch, Tracker, a bit angsty, blowjob, problem solving
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-14 13:59:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 23,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4567149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAfraid/pseuds/NotAfraid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Loki it is impossible to imagine that someone would actually do something without a repay or having to do something in return.<br/>As he asks Tony Stark for help, to get out Thanos´s tracker he doesn´t expect it to be any different, but things take a turn once they get to know each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There´s only one valid cure against a full grown hangover and that of course is more alcohol.  
This brilliant idea can only come from one of the great geniuses of our time.  
And in this case, the genius is Tony Stark and while he´s holding onto the wall with one hand, which he would never admit, he´s already thinking about what kind of Bourbon, Gin, Rum or Vodka could sooth the stinging pain in his head the best. While he entered the living room, he just made the decision that he doesn´t even need to choose, because mix and match is always in.  
As his hand stretches out to the cabinet to fetch one of the way too large bottles, filled with golden shimmering liquid, which would surely comfort him the way it always does, he notices a very slight movement in the corner of his eye. He moves his head to one side, all of the room covered in darkness.  
  
„JARVIS? Lights.“, his voice was a little hoarse and he furrows his brows, waiting for the light to reveal the room. It doesn´t just reveal the room as he knew it, but also a dark, lean figure, sitting on one of the chairs.  
  
„This really is no time to be up Stark.“  
  
He knew the voice, always slightly mocking, smooth and dangerous in the sweetest way.  
It took Tony maybe two or three seconds as well as a little bit of Scotch to fully recover from the shock.   
  
„Frosty…I´d wish to be able to say I´m glad to see you. Drink? “  
The god sits in the chair, his cold gaze flowing around the room, before it settles down at Tony.   
  
„Life is barely ever about what we wish.“   
  
He got up, with what seemed to be one smooth movement and made his way to the bar.   
  
„If you´re lucky in life, it´s about choices and setting priorities.“   
  
Tony raises a brow in the same way he always does, when he´s about to bring the niveau down with his commentary, but in the same time his hands are looking for the alarm button on the underside of the bar. Not only because he has a homicidal maniac in his house, but because he sounds even stranger than he usually does.   
  
„Look, I´m happy you found your interest in philosophy and everything, but could you not share it with me at 3 am? Or in the best case, not at all?“  
  
Loki ignored the sarcastic comment, sitting down again.   
  
“I´d like that drink.“  
  
Tony nodded, then drinking together was a bit more okay and so he took a second glass and filled it, handing it over to Loki. „Here you go.“ The other nodded a thank you, taking a large gulp.  
Something seemed odd about him, even though Tony couldn´t tell what it was.   
“I´m not here to bring harm to any of you.“   
„Oh, I was hoping to get thrown out of a window again…but fine. Tell me more.“   
  
He leans against the bar, not only to look cool and secure but also to keep his hungover self to reveal the sudden uncomfortable feeling, caused by the serious tone of Loki´s voice  
  
“I know about our past…differences and I hope you´re not holding on to much of that old anger.“   
  
A slight smile played around his thin lips.   
  
„It´s not healthy you know? Even though your definition of healthy seems to be a bit strange as well.“   
  
He gestures to the open bottle.   
  
“If you wanna take a job as my nanny, it´s already taken, okay? She also told me to not speak to weird people, so if you would please go now?“, he counters and is really able to see how the others green eyes get darker.  
  
„I´m not in the mood for your silly games, Stark.“   
Those pale hands lay on the wooden bar in clenched fists.   
  
„If you´re not then why are you here?“   
A weird atmosphere settled in the room, and maybe Tony doesn´t even notice, that his hands had stopped searching for the alarm button a few minutes ago.   
  
“I´m asking you for help.“  
  
The words were going through the unmoved air and disappeared right after they were spoken, so that Tony had to say the sentence again to make sure he heard right.   
  
„You´re…asking me for help?“   
  
A serious nod from Loki, nothing more.  
His inner JARVIS was immediately telling him, not to risk anything, not to go into it, press the damn alarm button and get that maniac as far away as possible, but Loki´s voice made him wipe away these thoughts. He sounded serious, helpless, afraid…  
  
Something Tony couldn´t even imagine to this point, but there he is looking right at the god, who stirs into his glass, one of his legs trembling.  
Of course it wasn´t sentiment driving Tony Stark to ask further, but his sheer unbelievable curiosity.   
  
“And what could the mere mortal help you with?“, he raises his brows and sips from the glass of scotch.  
  
“You remember the Chitauri?“, he avoided any eye contact, looking out of the large windows instead.   
  
“Pretty hard to forget, Lokes.“   
He changed his angle to get a look at the others face, which seemed even paler than usual.   
„Heard about their leader? Thanos?“   
  
Tony had to keep himself from rolling his eyes. “Geez, just tell me what you need. Of course I know about him, need to remind you that I´m the genius in the team?”  
  
“Genius doesn´t equal knowledge.“, he stated coldly before continuing.   
„As we all know, I failed taking over this realm, I failed in his plan. He´s not the kind of person to forgive such a mistake and made sure he´d be able to track me, no matter on which ´lonely moon´ I would hide. I just quoted him, and yes he does have a dramatic way to threaten.“   
A bitter smile appears on his face for a few seconds.  
“I can follow you. Alien dude lookin for you. What does it have to do with me?“   
He watches warily as the other set the glass aside, shoving up his left sleeve, revealing a dark, pulsing mark. Tony does the impossible and raises his eyebrows even higher.   
  
„I don´t think you´re gonna tell me about an awesome 3D tattoo artist now…“  
  
“It´s a tracker. It´s sending electric pulses, my attempt to get it out, wasn´t very succesful. Then I tried to stop the signal but I don´t know if it worked. I need you to take a look at it.“, even though his voice stayed cool there was a slight shaking in it.   
  
Tony couldn´t resist the curiosity, the head ache that drove him to the bar is long forgotten, as he took a step closer.   
  
„Can I take a look?“   
  
Loki just nodded silently, keeping his chin up as he stretches out the arm, the black mark pulsing and looking like a leech, Tony couldn´t keep him from shuddering. As he poked it with his finger it stayed still for a moment, before steadily pulsing again.  
“That…it´s beneath your skin.“   
  
“Deeper than that. You can´t just cut it out.“   
  
“You hang around with the wrong kind of people reindeer…“ , he mentioned quietly, which got him a little smile from Loki.   
  
“Yes, you´re right about that.“  
  
„This gotta hurt like a motherfucker.“   
  
“It is in fact not very pleasant. “, he admitted before clearing his throat.   
  
„Can I expect your help?”  
  
It was an unnecessary question, how could Tony possibly resist?  
Unknown technology, together with an ex-nemesis suddenly asking him for help? The risk was only making it more irresistible.  
But he knows better than to shout out a loud `Yes!` to the other, instead sitting back down on the bar, taking a sip and putting on his best thinking-face.


	2. Silver Tongue is an ambiguous name.

Loki tries to count to bottles in the cabinet to withstand the silence and resist the urge to just grab Tony by the throat and make him finally answer the burning questions, flying around his head, before he would go crazy.  
Finally he opened his mouth and Loki turned to him ridiculously quick.  
  
“Why should I, I mean I owe you nothing, this is just good for you. I could get myself in trouble, you see?” he leaned forward, looking for the reaction of the other.  
  
Loki got up again, walking up to Tony a smile playing around his lips.  
  
“Don´t tell me it´s the risk, that´s keeping you, from dragging me to the lab right now immediately. You know how terribly exciting danger can be, right?”  
  
As he finishes speaking, he´s right in front of him, Tony has to raise his head to be able to look him in the eyes; his mouth opens for a witty comment, but nothing comes out of it, except for a surprised sigh, as a hand traces down his back towards his leg.  
  
“It seems like you need a bit of help to make your decision.”, Loki keeps his voice down, letting the visible tension in the room grow, while he slowly sinks down on one knee. A smirk appears on his face, as he slips down the silky pyjama pants. “I´d be glad to assist, if you allow.”  
He looks down and the eye contact is broken, which allows Tony to take a few breaths to calm down.  
  
“But it seems like this situation already aroused you…”  
  
He drops his own gaze, to really find himself half hard, which somehow makes him find his voice again.   
  
“Look, I´ve got a really sexually appealing god kneeling in front of me, don´t act surprised.”  
  
Loki smiles at the description and leans forward, softly starting to suck on the tip of Tony´s cock, a bit curious a bit experimental, but actually knowing exactly what he´s doing.  
He hums softly, his mouth stretching while he takes it in deeper, inch by inch. Every few seconds he looks up to Tony, with wide, dark green eyes and Tony looks back quick pants spilling out of his open mouth, while Loki slides his tongue over his length, tenderly.  
Tony cursed everything, the entire situation in his head, those beautiful eyes and that soft tongue that seems to know exactly what to do end when, he hates this delightful teasing and lets out a moan, when after endless licking Loki started to suck on the tip again, harder than before.  
Tony moans, as he sinks down deeper, bobbing his head up and down in slow, fluid movements, which make Tony moan. His hips buck up a bit and his fingers hold tightly onto the wood of the bar.  
Just when he was feeling close to satisfaction and a blissful look settled down on his face, the soft caress stopped from one second to another and he opened his eyes quickly and confused to look down at Loki, who was still kneeling, looking up to him, while licking his lips with a slight smirk playing around them. “Hm?” Loki tilted his head, looking up innocently, which made Tony go red with anger and frustration.   
  
“Just start what you were doing again.” he presses out of his lips, keeping himself from shouting or anything.  
  
The others lip opened as he echoes Tony.  
  
“Why should I? I mean I owe you nothing. This is just good for you.” He purrs and adds, while leaning forward, so Tony could even feel his breath. “I could get myself in trouble you see?”  
  
A few moments of silence settled between them, only disturbed by Tony´s panting, before he answered breathlessly. “This isn´t fair play Lokes…”  
  
“Did you really expect it to be? Now is that a yes or a no?”  
  
Tony groans. “  
  
Oh for fucks sake, it´s a yes, happy?”   
  
Loki´s face lightened up immediately a certain tension falling off him, while he softly kisses the tip of his cock, whispering against it.   
“Very.”  
  
He continues sucking the others dick more passionately, taking him deeper than before and Tony sighs happily, his eyes falling back and a sweet tingling running down his spine and flowing through his veins, while his fogged brain tried to hold on to the moment as long as it´s possible but the way Loki keeps humming softly, his flushed lips stretches around him, there was no way he could take it much longer.  
When he comes, his breath stops for a second, before he starts taking deep panting breaths, his body relaxing. It takes him a bit more, before he trusts his voice enough to speak steadily.  
  
“That was amazing…”, he looked down, seeing Loki, his face reddened, licking his softening cock clean. As a response, he hums softly and Tony shivers again.  
  
Afters he´s finished, he looks up at him again, licking a bit of cum from the corner of his mouth with a little smirk.  
  
“So, we´ve got a deal Stark?”  
  
“Yes, deal…”, everything around Tony seems to have become a little softer and his limbs hang down heavily. All he wished to do now is, pulling up Loki, somehow getting back to his room and cuddling until they both fall asleep. He usually doesn´t admit it, but secretly, he´s much of a cuddle person, when he´s having a good afterglow. As he really stretches his arms out to pull Loki up to him, he backs away, his eyes darkening. Tony blinks a bit surprised.  
  
“Is something wrong?” he frowns trying to figure out if he has been rude or done anything to offend Loki. But the man just got up quietly.   
  
“May I stay here? It´s better since you can start right away, after you´ve woken up.” Tony nods confused, unable to explain the sudden emotional distance and coldness that comes from the other. He clears his throat.   
  
“Sure…there´s a guest room, right down the corridor.”   
  
He gestures in the direction faintly.  
  
“Thank you, for your hospitality.”   
  
He nods slightly the pale face not showing a hint of gratefulness, before turning in the direction Tony has shown him, walking down the corridor. Without turning around he opens the door and closes it behind him, leaving Tony sitting in the empty room, more than confused. He stretches out his hand and grabs the fuller glass that´s still standing on the counter. After he has taken a large gulp he sets down the glass and walks back to his room, the head ache beginning to sting sharply, through the slowly fading softness that´s surrounding him.


	3. A bit of rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, a lil emotional.

After Loki closed the door to his room his shoulders suddenly sink down and he stumbles towards the bed.  
The apartment is actually quite nice, the whole room coloured in soothing, neutral colours.  
He holds onto the edge of the bed, without allowing himself to sit down on it, before he looks in every corner and behind the curtains to make sure there was nothing and nobody hiding.   
He rolls his eyes; this paranoia really is getting out of hand, but this isn´t his main problem at the moment. 

The only thing important is, that he´s sure Tony wouldn´t call the Avengers, what means that he could get a few hours of rest. 

Finally he sits down on the bed and begins to tug on those heavy boots to get them off his feet, but his trembling fingers aren´t able to open the complicated knots. He tries harder, making it only less impossible to detangle the cords and suddenly the whole wave of built-up despair hit him in the chest, triggered by such a triviality and he struggles to breath.

Weakly he pulls himself up, feeling as if the floor was moving.  
Actually it feels as if everything was moving except for Loki, while stumbles in the direction of the bathroom, his vision is blurred he barely sees a thing, but now he´s glad that he has looked at the room so closely. He could remember the way, in which direction he had to move.

As soon as he passes the door to the bathroom, his body decides to fully betray him, his legs fold under him and within seconds he finds himself bent over the toilet, kneeling on the perfectly white, cold floor and gasping for air.   
He opens his mouth, as if he was about to say something, but instead of words he only feels a disgustingly sour taste in his mouth, for a second he furrows his brows confused, but then his head fell down and he vomits into the toilet.  
His body shakes as he keeps coughing, the black hair sticking on his sweaty, ghostly pale face.   
It takes several minutes, always when he thinks, there was nothing left and he´d lift up his face, he started coughing again. It´s exhausting.

But when he finishes and he´s completely sure there was nothing more he could possibly vomit, he simply feels small, sticky and pathetic, a shaky white hand flushing the toilet, to get the evident of his shame with its disgusting smell away.   
He just sits there, weakly leaning against the toilet, waiting for the burning rings and stars in front of his eyes to disappear.

After some time, he manages to pull himself up the sink for a moment he fears his sweaty hands would slip at the smooth surface but after a bit of struggling he stands on his legs, tightly holding onto the porcelain.   
He looks into the mirror and makes eye contact with a pale, weak figure covered in sweat and stinging vomit smeared on his sore mouth. He looks so miserable that he had trouble to stop the tears from falling down he´s cheeks. 

But he couldn´t let this happen, he can´t fall now. So he violently bites his tongue and does his best to rinse of the dirt of his skin with water.   
Eagerly he rubs his hands over his face and adds soap again and again feeling as if he just couldn´t get clean. When he finishes the skin on his face is dry and irritated but he feels a little bit cleaner.

Weakly he tugs on his clothes, crawling out of them way slower than usual, nothing left of the grace that surrounded him just an hour ago. He left the clothes on a pile in the bathroom, dragging his body to the bed. The only thing he´s grateful for at the moment is that he´s not even able to overthink the situation he´s in otherwise, he would probably not even be able to let himself sleep like that, but now he just falls down on the bed, pulling both his legs to his chest and listening to his own breath until he falls asleep. 

The next morning he takes a few seconds to remember where he was and what he´s even doing in that place. The moment he remembers he gets up hastily and walks towards the bathroom.   
When he opens the door, he´s glad that the air inside is breathable and not smelling and heavy as he remembers it to be from last night.   
Nothing in the room would tell anything about what happened, no one would see his breakdown.  
This thought soothed him and his breath got more relaxed. 

He steps in front of the mirror and is relieved to see, that he isn´t looking like a ghoul anymore, still he couldn´t let anybody see him like that.  
Loki looks himself straight into the face as he begins to change its appearance.   
He´s starting to work at the skin, like an artist that redraws his painting, he begins to hide the deep shadows and the hollow cheeks, making the sharp ankles in his face appear smoother and letting the sorrowful lines that make him appear so much older fade. 

When he´s finally pleased with his appearance, he picks up the rumpled clothes, cursing him for not having found enough strength to properly fold them yesterday before he fell asleep.   
Now he does his best to straighten them, before he puts them on. 

Earlier, when he first got to wear armour, he never managed to get in and out on his own, mostly a highly amused Thor had to help him, sometimes teasing him, sometimes patiently trying to explain how to open the complicated knots and in which order he had to take the items off to not tangle them up. 

But now isn´t the time to remember such things, it made his expression only grow darker as he finishes to put on his clothes.   
He checks the mirror again, spending another twenty minutes and more magic on his hair, before he tests his voice.   
“Alright.” He says to himself. He repeats again and again, until he feels secure of his voice.  
Before he leaves the room, he checks again, if there´s nothing anyone could read from, letting his gaze wanders through the room. Everything clean, the blanket neatly folded and the pillow looks as if no one ever rested his head on it.

Only when he´s sure of that he straightens his back and raises his chin, while he´s opening the door.   
Everything is quiet. What did he expect?   
Stark waiting in front of his door, peeking through the keyhole? He had to shake his head at his own foolishness as he walks down the corridor to look for him. 

“Stark?” he bites his lip, that just sounded way too insecure, not strong enough, but before he gets the chance to repeat himself, said Stark answered.

“Sleeping beauty, finally awoke.”


	4. Underneath the skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony takes a closer look at the tracker and Loki can´t hold it up anymore

“Shut it Stark. “ He rolls his eyes walking towards him.   
Tony laughs a bit, he seemed to be in a good mood. “Want some breakfast? Eh…lunch…brunch. Something like that.” He shrugs looking at Loki, but he just shakes his head.  
He still feels sick and really doesn´t want to risk anything. Also he´s not here for socialising. 

“I´d rather just get started.” He lifts his left arm and Tony nods seriously.   
“Alright, then. I´ll bring you to my lab, prepare to be amazed!” He announces loudly leading Loki to the elevator. He follows, looking around cautiously, crossing his arms behind his back.

They arrive in the lab and really he couldn´t hide his amazement and Tony loves it, wiggling his eyebrows. Honestly, Loki didn´t think that Midgardian technology could be so advanced and is truly surprised by all the blinking lights and the intimidating large equipment. „See? I told you.” Tony gestures to a table with a large smile. “Sit down there.

Loki huffs…what a disrespectful way to talk with a god. Still he does as Tony says without objections and sits down, now really getting a bit nervous. “What will you do now?” He hates himself for the slight shake in his voice. Tony sighs a bit, coming back with a first aid kit and a lot of stuff Loki is unable to recognise. 

“See I need to take a look first.” He takes a medical looking flashlight. “If you would…”   
Loki rolls up his sleeve without stopping to look at Tony warily.   
“If I can´t see anything, I´ll have to open the skin…” he sounded as if he´s sorry himself and maybe he even was, but that doesn´t matter in that moment. Loki just clenched his jaw. 

“Don´t mess around Stark. I know you won´t see anything through the skin. Just open it.”   
Tony shivered at the cold emotionless way he said it. As if he was talking about opening a…a zipper or something instead of his own body.

“Okay, that´s good.” He said it more to calm himself, while picking up a small scalpel. “I usually don´t cut up people, maybe we should ask someo-“   
He´s surprised at how quick and sharp Loki answers. Not sure if demanding or fearful. Probably both.   
“No. No one else.” He clenches his fists and his eyes get wider.   
“Woah…I won´t call anyone. Just relax it´s okay.” He makes a soothing gesture with his hands, which isn´t as calming because he´s still holding the knife in his hand.

Loki doesn´t answer anymore, just stretches out his arm patiently staring blankly.   
“Sure…no talking needed.” Tony shrugs, he still doesn´t feel good with it, but his inner scientist has awoken and he takes a moment to think on where to best put the first cut to be able to see this mysterious alien tracker the best.

It was still throbbing steadily, black under the pale skin. Tony hesitates for half a second before he presses down the knife and making a clean cut, not even as big as his the nail on his thumb.   
He looks up to Loki. “You alright?”   
He doesn´t answer, fixing his gaze on something in the distance, just holding up the arm. Tony shakes his head holding a magnifier in one hand and the flashlight in the other.

The curiosity and the excitement are standing clearly on his face; he lays away the magnifier to pick up a pincette to tug a bit on the unknown object. Loki sucked in a bit of air quickly.   
“Sorry…” Tony mumbles without really paying attention, he had never seen anything like that. The way it kept moving…where does it take the energy? It´s amazing and he kept poking and twisting it slightly, watching the reactions in pure amazement. Almost as if it´s alive, still it was clearly technic.  
“Good news Lokes! It´s moving, I might get it out if I try harder…” 

“Sir?” Tony tilts his head for a moment then nods and continues shoving around the skin, already thinking about where to place the next cuts, because they surely are needed to get it out.  
“What´s up Jarv?”  
“I´d like to inform you, that Mister Laufeyson isn´t in the condition for a medical procedure like that. You may want to consider to continue this another time.”

Loki seems to return to his body when he hears his name, his hand starting to tremble.   
Tony raises his head, looking in a pair of fearfully widened green eyes; he lets the tools sink down.   
“Loki…? What´s wrong?”   
He could see the artery at his white neck pump too quick and Loki doesn´t look like a predator anymore but more like a trapped animal.   
“Get it out Stark”, his voice trembles and tears gather in his eyes.   
“I can´t, Jarvis just said not to...”   
“Now!”   
“Look, Loki just tell me what´s wrong!”  
“Get it out of my skin! Get it out!” He starts to scream hysterically, not focusing to keep his illusions up anymore and they slowly start to fade, his ears started to ring and the room blurred in front of him.

“Loki…shh, what did even happen?”  
“I don´t want it inside of me, I beg you, I´ll do anything…get it out…get it out…it´s hurting me!”  
Tony looked at him helplessly not being able to explain the sudden terror in the others voice. “Jarvis?”  
“Mister Laufeyson had a little breakdown last night, I didn´t think it was necessary to tell you, Sir.”   
He stared at Loki, who freezes instantly at JARVIS´ words for a few seconds, before opening his mouth to demand an explaining: “Why didn´t you just-“   
Loki shook his head faintly then without a warning his body went limp and he fell off the table, smearing a bit of blood on the floor.


	5. Out of it

Loki opens his eyes, pulled out of a deep sleep by the muffled voice.   
But even though his eyes were open, he can´t see anything, nothing but darkness surrounds him, after a few seconds of tired thinking he decides that it´s a good darkness not one to be afraid of. 

He sighs softly, snuggling deeper into the warm softness, closing his eyes again, the mixed sound of the voice from outside and his own steady breathing make him feel safe.  
The voice…he likes it, he notices that a small smile sneaks on his face, he´s too tired to understand anything, but he doesn´t have to, something tells him that it´s alright. 

 

The door opens and a small stripe of light goes through the darkness, followed by footsteps. Loki groans, no he really doesn´t want to get out of the bed so he buries his face in the large pillows.   
Tony silently walks inside of the room, closing the door behind him so that no unpleasant light would disturb the resting god, lying in the large bed, rolled up like a cat, between dozens of blankets and pillows. He can´t resist a soft chuckle, while he lets himself sink down on the mattress.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

When Loki fainted Tony stared at him for a few seconds before he let fall down all his instruments and knelt next to the lifeless body.   
He lifted up one limp hand to feel the pulse, for one terrible second he felt nothing, no beating, and no warmth. Tony got terribly afraid all of a sudden and everything tensed up in him. 

When he finally was able to sense a soft throbbing under the skin, the assured him that Loki´s heart was still beating, that the blood was still flowing inside of him, he let out a long shaky breath.  
“Don´t scare me like this ever again, you…you dumb reindeer…”   
He couldn´t even think about a proper insult anymore but that was the smallest of his sorrows, quickly he turned Loki on his back, letting the right arm fall and instead picking up the left.  
Seeing this little dark thing, still stuck in the weak flesh made him feel disgust instead of fascination towards it for the first time and he was able to understand why Loki couldn´t bare having it live inside him any longer. 

He fought with himself, whether to inject Loki some painkillers to make sure he wouldn´t have to suffer or not. He let JARVIS tell him about Loki´s blood pressure and every medical information they had about the metabolism of Aesir respectively Frost Giants and came to the conclusion that a low dose would not harm him. After injecting some of it into the white arm, he gathered all the things he could possibly need around him, before starting.

It took surprisingly a lot of physical strength and very fine coordination to get it out; it was buried deeply inside of the arm, holding tightly onto the flesh like a parasite. Tony kept pulling, twisting anything to get it out, constantly mumbling apologies to the unconscious Loki next to him, but after a long fight that needed all of Tony´s mechanical skills he managed to pull it out with one final quick movement.   
He was out of breath and wiped the sweat from his face with his sleeve, keeping his eyes locked on the evil, dark little thing that slowly stopped moving, as if it was dying  
“There you go you motherfucker.” Tony´s hand searched for Loki´s wrist again to make sure the pulse was still steady, but without stopping to look at the tracker.   
He doesn´t trust it somehow, there´s something so wrong with it. He took a small beaker throwing the unknown thing inside. 

Later he´d look at it, but for now he really didn´t want to see this cursed thing longer than completely necessary. He turned back to Loki, who (thank god) still was unconscious and calmly breathing and Tony hoped sincerely that he did feel nothing of the procedure.   
The first aid kit was opened and Tony started to clean the wound and afterwards wiping the blood of the floor with the swab.   
He didn´t even need to look at the wound to know that he had to sew it. The thought of it made him feel helpless and he would have liked to call Bruce to help him, because Banner knows much more about medicine than Tony. 

Of course Tony sewed himself together quite often whenever one of his experiments went wrong, which got him an awful lot of trouble with Pepper, but he really feared to do something wrong when it comes to the well-being of others.  
In the end he decided to do it himself though, considering how terrified Loki was at the simple mention of letting someone else know.   
In the process Tony had to remind himself repeatedly, that he´s an A++ mechanic, that his hands are probably the calmest in the world and that he could do the job with closed eyes, still he was incredibly relieved when he was finished and the wound was closed by for stiches. 

“Got it out Lokes.” He didn´t even really notice that spoke to him. “That was some trouble you got us into, huh?”

Tony laid his arms around the lean body, lifting Loki up, brushing his thumb over the white cheek.   
“Damn Loki, you´re cold as ice! You know what I´ll do now? I´ll get you idiot in bed, with some blankets, yes, blankets are good then you might warm up a bit, what´d you think?”  
He continued to speak while walking towards the elevator, pressing the button with his elbow.  
After a moment of hesitation he decided to bring him to his room, since it´s easier to check at Loki whenever it´s needed and also because Tony didn´t feel good at the thought to not be able to keep sight on him.

As he laid him down on his bed, he feels a little sigh coming out of the others chest, while he carefully started to remove the most uncomfortable parts of the armour.  
He had to admit that he had imagined that way easier and it took him longer than expected to get him out of the boots and the other parts of armour he didn´t even knew the name of.   
After he´s done with that, he lays the beautifully worked pieces on the floor and instead lay a blanket over him. A comfortable shiver ran through Loki´s body at the warmth and Tony decided to add another blanket, before he left the room to get himself a drink and to take another look at the tracker. 

\------------------------------------------------------

“Hey?” Tony keeps his voice low, while lying down on the bed, but only gets a little humming as an answer. His face gets a bit softer and he feels a tired and exhausted he actually is.  
“Jarv?” He mumbles even quieter than before, while closing his eyes. “When he wakes up, the body temperature or the pulse gets up or down, you wake me up as well. Understood?”   
“Of course Sir.”


	6. Distrust

When Loki wakes up he feels even weaker than he was yesterday.   
He tries to get out of the bed, shoving away the blankets and pillows that are tangled around him tightly. The feeling of being trapped makes his heart beat faster as he weakly tears at the sheets, without a real clue what he´s even doing, just desperately hoping to free himself, like a confused bird caught in a web.

A small sound appears, making him flinch and look up harried.  
“Mister Laufeyson? There´s no reason to be worried, I´d likes to inform you that Mister Stark will be here soon.”

The words that are actually meant to calm Loki down, somehow just increase the fear in his eyes, making his frantic movements only get quicker and more hectic.  
After a few seconds he actually somehow unravels out of the numerous sheets and blankets and he falls down on the hard floor ungracefully.

Without thinking he quickly gets up, but he regrets his decision just a moment later.  
He wasn´t prepared for the numb feeling in his head that´s spreading across his entire body, his metabolism is too weakened to be able to deal with the sudden rising. Not even a nearly immortal body could handle that lack of sleep and nutrients, plus the painkillers.   
For a moment he´s standing and even though he couldn´t see clear anymore, he quickly moves towards the door, consuming even the last spare energy. His alarmed brain couldn´t handle the ruthless behaviour against his own body any longer and simply decides to shut down to avoid further damage.

While he falls to the floor a second time, he feels betrayed by himself, cursing his body and its needs.  
He doesn´t even feel the hard floor anymore, the numbness settled down in his limbs that feel as if tiny insects were crawling over them. He´s unable to get up, sucking in some air, while widening his eyes, desperate to see something, but his view is too veiled to even recognise silhouettes.

Tony opens the door smiling. “Hey Lokes, good morni-“   
The enthusiastic expression on his face quickly slips, when he sees Loki laying on the floor with a silent scream on his lips. Without thinking about it, he kneels down to him quickly but as soon as Tony touches him the silent scream gets vocal and Loki starts kicking around, with the last rest of his strength. “Loki! It´s just me!” he shouts at him, in a not very successful attempt to calm him down. All Loki hears is a loud blur through the ringing which increases his panic even more.

“I suggest no loud sounds, Sir.” JARVIS adds to the situation, making Tony curse a bit under his breath, before he forces himself to take a few deep breaths, stroking Lokis back until he could feel that the other calms down a bit.   
“Lokes? I don´t know if you hear me, but I´m gonna wait til you´re calm again, then I´m getting up to get you a bit of water. Just nod if you understand me…” Tony keeps patting the other shoulder, waiting for a reaction, but there is none.  
He shifts his weight, reaching for one of the blankets without letting go of Loki. A few minutes pass in which Loki stopped shaking, even though Tony isn´t sure how much of the soothing and comforting words actually reached him, but he keeps on talking anyway.

After twenty minutes he gets up, slowly. “Be right back! Just stay here.”  
“Sir, I can assure you he won´t go anywhere.” “Oh shut it Jarv!”  
He rolls his eyes and looks at Loki for another few seconds, before he leaves the room.

The thing about Tony Starks household is, that it practically doesn´t even exist.   
When he opens the fridge he finds nothing much, some rotten carrots and frozen pizza.  
He nervously chews on his lips, this isn´t the stuff a nice strengthening breakfast is made of. As he searches further he finds a bit of cacao and some dry cookies. 

“Jarvis? Who in town is still owing me?”  
“Wade Wilson, Sir.”  
“Oh, yes I remember…Tell him to go grocery shopping for me…milk, flour, sugar…anything that´s needed, okay?”  
“Right away, anything else I should tell him?”  
“Yeah…that he should hurry the fuck up.”  
“Noted.”

He nods, warming the cacao in the microwave, maybe if he lays the cookies in the milk for long enough they would be soft enough to eat…  
It´s definitely worth a try and he walks back into the room, knocking to announce his coming.   
Loki gathered himself a little while he was away, just enough to lean against the wall without dropping, following every single one of Tony´s movements carefully with his green eyes.

Tony decides it´s best to ignore the obvious distrust and just be friendly.   
“This isn´t like the best breakfast ever, but I think it will do for the first…”   
Loki just keeps glaring at him coldly.   
“Eh…yeah. This is Cacao, you may not know it, but it´s great!” He coughs nervously, he´s not used to being awkward. Usually he´s the one de-awkwarding everything.  
“This one is not that great, but you should drink it anyway.” He offers the cup. “It´s still warm.”

Without saying a word, he stretches out one trembling hand taking the cup and laying his slender, pale fingers around it, letting out, what seems to be a soft sigh as a reaction to the warmth.

After a few more seconds of cold staring, Loki lowers his gaze looking down. With a feeling of defeat he starts to slowly sip on the warm drink.   
He can´t deny that it´s helping, it´s warming him up from inside and he feels the sugar going straight into his blood, his body cherishing the new energy immediately, by stopping his hands from shaking.

Tony smiles at him. “Better?”  
Instead of a valid answer, all he gets is a barely visible nod.  
The silence and the tensed up atmosphere make Tony go mad, he can´t bear this…for the first time he realizes that he in fact has a problem with shutting up for longer than five minutes. He keeps looking around nervously until he gladly notices that something´s wrong with the buttons on his shirt.  
He smiles relieved finally something to do with his hands! 

Tony starts to unbutton his shirt, to fix it but he didn´t see Loki´s reaction coming.   
His face gets pale again and the small bit of security and warmness that started to build up in him are gone within seconds.   
When he set down the cup beside him, his hands are trembling again and he clenches his jaw. 

“Eh…Lokes? What´re you doing?”   
“I´d really appreciate it if you would not keep playing silly games…” His voice was so sharp, even though there was a little shaking in it.  
“I really don´t know what you´re talking about.”  
“I´m not stupid…”  
“Look, I never said something like that. Just…”  
“Stop mocking me further!” Loki suddenly shouts and Tony finds tears gathering in his green eyes.  
“I ask you for a favour. I wake up in your room, in your bedroom. And now you´re taking off your clothes.” Tony stares at him in disbelief. He couldn´t really think that…?  
“I knew that you would want your repay in that…in that sort of way. But stop fooling me.”  
“Repay?” Tony coughs. 

They keep staring at each other, Tony stretches out one hand, actually to show him he´s not doing anything, but the way Loki flinches, cause him to lower his arm again.   
“Look I won´t do anything-“   
“Stop playing nice for the sake of the gods…”   
Tony honestly doesn´t know how to react to so much mistrust, so he just keeps silent, until at least Loki´s shaky breath goes regularly again. 

He was just about to open his mouth again, when he hears a loud crashing sound.   
“Someone ordered groceries!”


	7. A real breakfast.

„One moment!“, he´s not even sure if he´s talking to Wade or to the hatefully glaring Loki, while he stumbles out of the room and into the kitchen.   
There he already stands, leaning against the counter with three large bags behind him.  
“Oh Tony, macaroni!”   
Tony groans a bit, but he doesn´t want to let out his confusion and frustration on Wade.  
“What´d you get?”   
“Waky baky stuff, eh yoghurt, fruits, bread…und what a coincidence! All the ingredients for Tacos.”   
“Thanks…Wade, really.”   
“No prob, Palony. Also you might need a new door…twasn´t my fault! It has just been in my way.”  
“I get you, new door. Not wanna be rude, but could you leave us- me alone now? Go to your arachno boyfriend or something?”   
“Arachno boyfriend!” Wade laughs, while walking towards the door. “I´m gonna tell Spidey you said that!”   
“Fine…” Tony looks at the bags thinking about his next move, go back in? Or give Loki, and himself, a bit of time?  
It takes him a bit to make a decision and still he doesn´t feel well with it…the way Loki looked at him made him feel guilty, even though he didn´t even really do anything bad…

It´s a bit of a struggle, but he walks back to his room, knocking at the door to announce his coming.  
Loki still sits exactly the way Tony has left him, but he notices that the cup that´s standing next to him, now is empty. 

He coughs a little nervous, sitting down again.   
“Look, I don´t want anything from you.” He tries to make his voice sound as honest and sincere as he truly is. “And I´m sorry that there was a misunderstanding, I won´t even breath in your direction if it bothers you and you can go back to the guest room anytime, I just…”  
Loki keeps listening closely, his face staying cold and unmoved, waiting for Tony to end his sentence.  
“I just want you to feel better, that´s all.”  
The other takes a moment, to make sure that there´s nothing ambiguous about what he just said.  
And the fact, that everything Tony says, seems to be true, just made him just doubt the situation even more. 

“You…want me…to feel better?” Loki lets the words rest on his tongue for a few seconds. That´s too good, too pure, too sincere…there has to be something wrong with it, but he couldn´t say what it is, so he keeps sitting in the corner between wall and bed, like scared cat.   
“Look, you don´t have to say anything, I just want to tell you, that you owe me nothing, that I don´t expect anything from you…but you can´t leave like that…you´re really looking bad.”

“Who was the person you just talked to?” His eyes keep wandering to the door not going into Tony´s comment about his health.  
“Was just a…friend or something like this, he brought groceries.”  
“Groceries…” the way he says it is thoughtful, as if there´s a deeper meaning in that.  
“Yeah, that means we can make a real breakfast, not like eh…cacao.”  
Tony smiles at him and for a moment Loki catches himself starting to smile back slightly, he could slap himself for this kind of naivety and he digs his nails in his palm until it hurts.

“You want to stay here or get in the kitchen with me?”   
Loki thinks for a moment, before pulling the blanket tighter around himself, while getting up very slowly, supporting himself on the wall. He´s really not fond of seeing a close up of the floor a third time.

Tony´s politely offered arm, is ignored completely by him and he quietly insists on walking alone, his arms pressed tightly against his body. Tony just shakes his head at this unnecessary stubbornness.  
He walks next to him though, just in case, Loki is overestimating his strength. Again.  
Without help, it takes Loki ages to move, taking small, slow steps, without lifting up his feet properly, so that there´s a scuffling noise as he drags them over the floor.  
Tony decides that he definitely earned a reward, for staying calm.   
But after, what had to be almost five minutes, they arrive in the kitchen and Loki drags himself on a chair. Even this short walk exhausted him and he needs to catch his breath. 

Tony turns on the radio, to brighten up the mood a little, a sharp electrical beat coming out of the boxes makes Loki flinch and he quickly changes to a classical station.   
Can´t be wrong with Chopin.   
He hums the melody, while unpacking the bags, to see what he can work with. Some fruits, a bit of bread…that would be good, not too overwhelming.  
Carefully he places two loafs of bread, with butter, honey, nutella and a few blackberries on the plate and places it in front of Loki.   
“You can eat the fruits with the nutella...it´s wonderful.” 

Loki nods sightly, to show that he understood, then looks first left, then right, before stealthily starting to eat.   
Tony prepares a plate for him as well, to be a good role model. He sits down at the table, chewing his bread.   
While he eats, his mind drifts off to the tracker…now the curiosity is burning in his fingers again, what could there be hidden inside of it? 

He´s deeply into his thoughts on how to best open it, without damaging the unknown technology, when he hears the sound of a plate is being shoved in his direction.

“I can´t eat more.” It sounded like an excuse and Tony looks up.   
“No problem, Lokes. Maybe later.” He smiles at him and one corner of Loki´s mouth went up slightly.  
“No one calls me Lokes.”  
“I like breaking the rules.” Tony makes a bad joke underlined by a stupid grin but it seems as if the others face softened just a tiny bit.


	8. A soothing bath

„Do you feel secure enough to shower yourself?” Tony thinks about how to put it different. “I mean without fainting?”  
“I don´t require your assistance Stark…but if it soothes you I can sit down in the bathtub if my metabolism choses to betray me again.”  
“Yeah Lokes, about that, we gotta talk about your attitude towards yourself.”  
“Would you please, just go now?”  
“Okay, okay just make sure you don´t slip!”   
“If you won´t leave now, my hand will slip.”  
Tony just raises his eyebrows and walks out of bathroom.   
“Woah, understood Tiger! Don´t lock the door otherwi-“  
Aaaand the door is locked. He should have seen it coming and shakes his head, picking up his tablet.   
“Jarvis? Did you make the 3-D scan of it?”   
“Of course Sir, I will transfer it on your device.”

Meanwhile Loki starts to fill the bathtub with warm water. He decided that he prefers bathing over showering and that it wouldn´t hurt Stark to wait a bit longer.   
He´s not sure about Tony´s motives yet…what he wants from him, but he will find out, he won´t be hit by whatever it will be unprepared, no matter what he´s planning.   
A look in the mirror confirms his worst fears. He really does look horrific, not just because of this tedious hair… that he even had dared to let anyone see him like that…what a shame. 

When he sinks down in the hot water he sighs. Since he always feels cold he´s very attracted to any warmth, that makes him feel something else for a bit.   
He closes his eyes, quietly lying on his back for several minutes, trying to soak in the soothing heat deeply into his bones.   
What would he do next…go outside to Tony again?   
Not even the gods know what he´s up to; he would have to be very cautious.   
Or maybe he should just disappear without an explanation, hoping Stark wouldn´t switch the tracker back on or…or maybe even sending a signal to communicate with Thanos, telling him about his location…

Even though the water is steaming around him an ice cold shiver runs over his back and settles down deeply in his stomach.   
No. No, this isn´t an option, he simply can´t take the risk.   
He opens his eyes again and takes a few deep breaths, rhythmically clenching and unclenching his fists trying to decrease the pressure inside of him.

That is the moment, in which he notices the many bottles standing on the edge of the tub. They´re having different colours, shapes and sizes what definitely makes them very interesting.   
But when he reaches out for a pale blue one, opens it and sniffs a bit on it, he realizes that the most attractive thing about them was their divine smell.

He quickly picks another one and starts to read the tags on them. He has to admit that those Midgardian products are far more interesting than the boring Asgardian oils and cleansers.   
Oh, Waterlily and Freesia…Raspberry and Rose…he couldn´t get enough of all these fancy combinations.   
Fortunately he doesn´t have the time to reconsider the situation, realizing that this behaviour is childish and inappropriate for him or to think about this invisible servant that is most likely still watching him, what makes him a more or less silent witness of the small outburst of joy when he realizes that the cassis scented shampoo that he´s holding into his hands actually glitters.   
He stares at it in awe, what an idea, to make shampoo violet and sparkly!   
Of course he had to test an innovation like this right now, but not without reading the entire tag, to make sure his hair wouldn´t actually glitter if he uses it…he would never step in front of anyone like this, especially not Tony.

Luckily the tag assures him that he could use it without any danger of embarrassing himself and he starts to work it into his scalp. That´s good…the soft foam tingling his fingertips…

After rinsing out the shampoo he slowly prepares for getting, he fears that the hot water could have weakened his metabolism even further and he would faint again. When he gets up his head starts spinning slightly, but apart from that he´s feeling good. Better than before.  
He makes sure to set back every bottle at the exact same place, before he dries himself with a white fluffy towel, burying his face in the smooth fabric.  
Actually it´s not that bad here…no. He shoves this disgraceful thought away, raising his chin again and tossing the towel on the floor.  
Being lured into a trap by sparkly shampoo and softness…no, he wouldn´t be that foolish. 

He puts his clothes back on and combs his hair back tightly.   
Those annoying waves are in it again and he decides to straighten them, even though the use of magic would exhaust him again, one simply has to set priorities.

A last look in the mirror. No loose strands of hair, no wrinkles on his clothes…  
He unlocks the door, remembering himself to keep his back straight, while he´s walking out. 

“Is our princess ready?” Tony seems to be in a great mood and for one moment Loki´s fearing that he´s laughing over him and his silly behaviour but it doesn´t seem that way.   
“Are there any new information or is there only stupid commentary to expect from you?”  
His brown eyes are practically glowing with amazement.  
“Actually I found out tha- wait are you smelling like cassis?”


	9. The tension falls off

Tony practically drags Loki down into the lab.  
When they both arrive, Tony´s even a little out of breath of excitement.   
“I asked myself, where does it take its energy from…and guess what?”  
Loki looks him dead in the eyes, but when he realizes that this nerd really expects an answer he sighs.  
“What?”  
“It´s taking the energy from you! It filters the nutrients out of your blood, it´s exquisite technic, it´s so delicately worked; it does…it´s like a lifeform made out of metal! It only keeps it´s pace in sending when the blood is being pumped through it constantly, this…this is genius! Isn´t that great?”  
The sheer amazement glowing in Tony´s eyes, stays in contrast to the disgust in Loki´s.

“You think an artificial parasite, drinking my blood and revealing my location and my health status to my…my tormentor is…great?”  
Tony has to admit, that this doesn´t sound that good anymore.  
“Now that you´re putting it like that…”  
“Just tell me if it´s still sending…and if it does, what?” Loki´s voice sounds a little hoarse.

“The signal changed after I took it out. It was a hard bit of work, but I normalised it again. I think Thanos didn´t notice the change.”   
Loki nods quietly, thinking about what he just heard.   
“That means…I can just put it somewhere, far, far away and he will still think it´s with me?”  
“Exactly, Lokes.”  
Tony smiles a little at him.   
“That means you´re safe.” 

Safe…how much he´d like to indulge himself in that illusion, but he couldn´t relax. Not yet.  
“Give it to me.”  
It physically hurts Tony to not make an ambiguous comment right now, but somehow he finds the strength to resist, while he hands over a construct.  
It seems to be a small circulatory in itself, a blue liquid being pumped through it and in its heart, there´s the black tracker, moving exactly the same way it did beneath Loki´s skin.  
Loki had to admit that there´s a certain fascination in it…but right now, he just wants this dreadful thing as far away from him as possible. 

Loki stared at the thing for several seconds and would have continued to stare a bit longer, if Tony wouldn´t have interrupted him.  
“So…what you gonna do with it now?” Tony scratches his neck. “Will you send it away?”  
There´s no chance in denying it, Tony would have killed to be able to look at this thing a little longer, so many things to discover, so much science to do…  
But he can´t do this to Loki. He just wishes he would send it away already, so that he doesn´t have to think about it any longer.

“Yes, I just have to think about where.” Loki mumbles and a wide grin appears on his face.  
This thing is connected with so much fear and humiliation, being chipped and tracked like a dog…and now he´s free, free to put it anywhere, to make Thanos chase around the whole universe for nothing...oh this is good. So good.  
“Look, Lokes, just decide, your smile is creeping me out.”

“Don´t rush me little mortal.”  
Little mortal. Tony just shakes his head with pure disbelief. Why is he even putting up with this ungrateful, little shit?   
“Tony?”   
“Hm?”  
“I will send it away now…but it might take strength away from me again, I may have to rest a bit after that. Could I please stay here?”  
In his mind Tony builds together a sassy answer, about how he´s done dealing with this shit, and that he could say thank you just once or please, instead of looking at him, as if he was the most terrible human in existence just for fixing his damn buttons and giving him food and being nice, but then he just blurts out.  
“´Course Lokes.”  
Dammit Tony, you dumbo.

There´s a little smile on Loki´s lips. An honest one almost warm and friendly.  
“Thank you, Tony Stark. You have my deepest gratitude.”  
Green light starts to spill from Loki´s hand, little strings of pure energy, weaving around the construct, with the ominous tracker inside of it until it can´t be see anymore.  
When the light disappears again, Loki´s hands are empty and sink down slowly.   
He looks up again, his face as white as snow. “I-I think I need to take a seat.”  
With these words he stumbles in Tony´s direction and he reacts just quick enough to catch him. 

This time he only stays unconscious for some seconds and when he opens his eyes again he looks up into the face of a brightly grinning Tony.   
“We need to make a list. How often a week, does Loki faint.”  
Loki has to smile a little, even though his head is still spinning.   
“Hopefully it won´t be necessary anymore…”  
“I´m pretty sure Lokes.”


	10. Loki cooks?

Just a few minutes later, Loki is able to stay alone and almost pushes Tony away from him.  
“Thank you for supporting me in my moment of weakness but it´s no longer required.”  
What?  
Tony looks at him a little confused, then a bit like a rejected dog…  
Could he really mean evil towards Loki when he´s looking at him like that?  
There´s a moment of silence and he shoves this thought far away, he doesn´t want to think about it now.

“Well…something tells me you´re not a good cook Tony.”  
“Eh…not really, no.”  
“It happens that I have some experience with it and since I´m here, maybe I could…cook something.”  
The following moment is beyond awkward.  
“Only if you´d like…” Loki adds and just makes it even more awkward.

“Is this the real life?”  
“Yes I think it i-“  
“Is this just fantasy?”  
"...."  
“Cooked for by a god, no escape from my appetite.”  
“Why are you singing…”  
“Open the supplies look up to the fries and see…!”   
Tony would have continued to sing if he hadn´t have to stop because of Loki´s face.  
It is somewhere between disbelief, confusion and judging and Tony can´t hold back his laughter. 

“So I shouldn´t cook…?”  
“No! No please, cook for me. I don´t remember when someone really freshly made food here.”  
Loki eyes him warily, expecting Tony to mock him, but he finds him very serious about it.  
“Well, then I should start now.”   
“Great idea Lokes!” 

Tony follows him brightly smiling into the kitchen and Loki starts to unpack the groceries, looking at them carefully.   
“I´d rather eat something light, if you´re good with that…I´m still not trusting my stomach.”  
“Light is great!”   
“I could do a traditional asgardian dish…it´s like…filled bread…I can´t really explain.”  
Tony nods enthusiastically. Filled bread...sounds good enough for him. 

A slight smile appears on Loki´s lips.   
“Okay, I see…” He starts picking a few bowls, asking Tony where to find certain items from time to time. But besides that he fully focuses on preparing the oven, washing the vegetables and then mixing flour with eggs, salt and milk.

He even starts humming a bit and Tony looks at him fascinated as he sniffs on the herbs, the ones he already knows from Asgard and the ones he has never seen or smelled before.   
It´s easy to see how Loki relaxes more with every passing minute, the way he´s flowing through the kitchen, the tension slipping of his face as he´s mixing ingredients, cutting onions and carrots.  
Even though his fingers aren´t completely secure yet, Loki manages to cut them into incredible small pieces and puts them into a pan, everything as if he´d done it thousands of times.

“Where´d you learn that?” Loki shrieks a little, a proof that he´s almost completely forgotten about Tony´s presence.   
“What?”  
“The cooking. Like…Thor can´t cook for shit. So it doesn´t seem like something a prince learns.”  
A bit of his relaxation disappears and he just looks into the pan while stirring, to avoid eye contact with Tony.   
“When I was a bit younger I once was pretty tired of the whole prince thing. I think with your background you understand that there was an awful lot of pressure…  
I disguised myself as a servant.”  
“A servant?” Tony laughs. “Don´t be mad, but I really can´t imagine that you´re so…vain.”

Loki ignores the commentary. “It actually was very interesting seeing everything from another point of view. I´ve learned a lot about lying, treason and deception.   
I learned how to cook and everything as well. Does that answer your question?”  
He cuts the dough in squares and starts to fill them with the mix if egg yolk, vegetable and spices.  
´I´d watch the shit out of this reality tv show...", Tony thinks to himself. "How long did you do that?"

“Twelve full moons.”  
“So a year?”  
“Basically.”

Loki puts the griddle in the preheated oven and starts to do something fancy looking with fruits, while Tony tries to imagine him disguised as a servant.   
Something seems odd about it, but also it sort of fits.   
“And how was it?”  
Loki stops for a moment and thinks.   
“Weird…very weird. But I´ve gathered a lot of experience and all in all I´ve actually sort of liked it. It was simple, yet this was the time, in which I´ve lost my trust in Asgardian policy entirely."

Tony nods a little. That´s fair enough, he could understand that.  
“Didn´t Thor or your dad that it´s realizes you?”  
“No, not at all. There isn´t much attention given to servants and it was a good thing for me. But my mother noticed…she didn´t tell anyone though.”  
“It seems like there´s a lot of things I don´t know about you, Lokes.”  
Loki remains quiet the rest of the time, setting the table and looking into the oven several times.   
"The food is ready now, sit down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which direction should I go with the storyline?  
> If you have any ideas or something like that, I´d love to know.  
> Thanks for reading and everything


	11. A bit of help.

The both sit at the table, Loki slowly eating and Tony can´t help but notice how cautiously he keeps turning around, his gaze never resting, always flowing across the room to watch out for any danger.  
“Hey Loki?” He tilts his head quickly and Tony frowns. “I promise you, you´re not in danger here.”

“There is no such thing as safety, don´t serve me an illusion.” Loki looks at Tony seriously, then focuses on cutting his food into smaller and smaller pieces again.  
“Loki?” Tony isn´t the most sensitive men of all time…but it´s hard to ignore the signs of stress and fear that are written all over Loki´s face and body. 

When he´s not holding something, his nails start scratching at his fingers and sharply digging into his palms, his pale hands are covered by small open wounds, that go from his fingers, over to the back of his hand and Tony is sure they´re going further, but the long sleeves cover up his arms.  
Also Loki became even leaner than he had been before; making the features of his face cut through the ghostly white skin…all in all he simply looks terrible.

He nods again a little, caught in a constant struggle, between looking down to hide his face and raising his chin, straightening his back, to appear strong and self secure. 

It takes Tony a bit of time to ask his question, in which he keeps chewing on the food. It´s delicious but Loki barely has eaten anything.   
“Can I ask you one question?”  
Tony waits and Loki looks up warily, before nodding slightly.  
“What did Thanos do to you?”  
Loki puts down his fork and knife and his finger start shaking slightly.  
“I´m begging your forgiveness, but I won´t attend the meal further, you´ll find me in my chambers.”  
The words sound stiff and put-on and Loki tries to gulp down the fear, that´s boiling up in his chest again, as he quickly lifts himself up from the chair.   
“Now if you´ll excuse me…” The tremble in his voice has become more obvious and he realizes that the line, he was always using to excuse himself from dinner in Asgard just was totally uncalled for.  
He doesn´t even have a room here…

Loki stops for a moment to gather his confused thought, then rushes off to the guest room he´s been using.  
“Loki! Where are you going?” He hears the worried voice only a bit through the blood that rushes loudly through his ears and he finally arrives in the room, and leans against the wall, struggling to breath steadily. 

Did he really just dare to ask this question?

Just a few seconds later, Tony stands next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder, but Loki doesn´t feel it immediately, he´s too rapt in his thoughts and memories to notice anything.   
“Loki?” No reaction…Tony really doesn´t know what to do, damn, this isn´t the kind of situations he´s good in! What could prepare him for having to deal with a traumatized god? 

Wait. The realization comes so quickly and is so obvious, that for one tiny moment, he doubts his own genius.   
Within seconds the feeling of how he felt after being kidnapped and tortured so cruelly creeps up in him. Suddenly he feels weak, hurt and scared. He shivers and shakes it off quickly.   
The memory makes him remember, for what he craved in those weak moments, what he was hoping for and Tony´s able to tell what Loki could need right now.  
Without thinking further, he slowly takes another step towards him, to not scare him, then wraps his arms around him and pulls the shaking figure into a deep, caring hug.

Even though he got precaution Loki flinches a little at first, but then leans against Tony. 

They stand in a tight embrace for several minutes and Loki relaxes more and more until Tony softly whispers.   
“Let´s sit down a bit…”   
Loki nods but doesn´t raise his head and they stumble towards the bed together, a little awkward.   
Tony lies down on the mattress and pulls Loki next to him. Loki lies quietly and even though he never seems to run out of things to say, this time not a single word comes from his lips. 

Tony waits until both of them have found a pleasant position, Loki being rolled against him, his legs are pulled up to his chest and his face is turned in a way, that makes it impossible to catch the smallest look.   
“Lokes?” He soothingly strokes over Loki´s back, keeping his voice low to not disturb the relaxation Loki finally found. A barely visible nod is the only sign that proves, that his words were heard and understood.  
“I´d like to call a friend to check on you…” Tony could feel how the muscles under his hands tense up again and he quickly adds.

“He´s a good friend, very good. No one except for him will know you´re here I just need someone to tell me what´s the best for you.”  
“Who?” Loki´s voice sounds wary.

“Bruce Banner. Don´t worry, he´s one of the most trustworthy and kindest people I know.”  
Tony can hear how Loki starts to scratch over his skin with sharp nails and Tony quickly takes his slightly trembling hand and squeezes it a bit.  
“That´s what I´m talking about…look I don´t want you to feel…so bad. And Banner is like a specialist with…feeling bad and with special cases.”

Again there´s silence and Loki takes time to search for the right words.

“I did a good job to evoke a permanent grudge against me. I´m sure Doctor Banner still isn´t fond to see me and no matter what he´s like as a person I don´t want him mad.”  
Tony laughs a little and strokes over Loki´s hand with his thumb.   
“He´s actually a real flowerchild. I´m sure he was the first one to let go of his grudge. As long as you don´t manipulate him or something he will just check you up and maybe give you a bonbon or a self-made flower crown afterwards.” 

Loki smiles, just a faint little bit, but his face looks softer.   
“So, what do you say?”  
For the second time, the only answer is a small nod. Even though Loki has been promised, that no physical harm would come towards him, he decided to remain careful and keeps playing the scenario through his head. Having to ask for help for the second time…a disgrace.   
He should be able to take care of himself, he should be strong enough, he should…Loki sighs deeply and closes his eyes.  
There´s no use in it. And when Tony´s being so kind, it maybe would actually be good to accept the help.

And so he lets it happen, when his body opens up a little and his hand holds tighter onto Tony´s.


	12. Bae come over

A soft gong comes from the small phone and Bruce picks it up without opening his eyes, as he sits on a meditation mat.  
“Banner here?”  
He waits for an answer and when it comes his eyes open and the corners of his mouth go up.  
"Hey, how´s my science bro?"  
“Tony! I thought you forgot bout me...”  
“You should know better, smartie.”  
Bruce shakes his head, but his smile gets wider.  
“Why do you call?”  
“Come over bae.”  
“What? I can´t. I´m working on this project” he frowns, always confused by Tony´s weird language. What´s a bae?  
“Come on, please. I need a doctor.”  
“Look…Tony, if you want to do this therapy thing again, I´ve told you I´m not that kind of-“  
“Loki´s here. I need you to check on him.”  
“Wait. What?” Bruce fingers tighten around the phone. “Are you in danger?”  
“No, promise. He´s just…he´s not doing so good.”  
Bruce sighs. Seems like his relaxed meditation time is over.  
“And you expect me to, pack my things, quit the project and go help you, help a maniac?”  
“First, you can have all my things you know that, you don´t need to pack. Second come here and we start a way, way better project, I promise. And third he´s not that maniac anymore.”

Bruce shakes his head again, in disbelief. He mustn´t be serious.  
“If he´s not maniac, then what is he?”  
“Just not psychologicallystable…self-destructive tendencies…I know, that you know stuff about that…also you´re the only one I could possibly call. ”  
Damn…now he got him gripped tightly by his helper syndrome.  
“Keep talking.”  
“He got here two, three days ago. Needed my help. Terrible lack of sleep, he can barely relax…scared.”  
For a moment Bruce forgets that it´s about Loki, the one who destroyed New York, played his mind and hurt his friends and he starts feeling bad. 

"And he came to you with his psychological issues?"  
"No...it´s complicated. I´ll tell you everything face to face."

It´s complicated...Bruce knows that whenever Tony says that, it means something bad.  
“I´ll see how fast I can get to you two.”  
“Please hurry, this guy fainted on me like three times.”  
Tony states that with a laugh, to pull it into a joke, but Bruce notices the serious worry in his friends voice.  
“Those people here don´t even do science right…nothing ever exploded since I got here.”  
He hears Tony laugh again, this time more real and it makes the smile reappear on his own face again.  
“I got you.”  
They say goodbye to each other, before Bruce hangs up with a sigh.  
Looks like he got himself into trouble again…

 

Not even 10 hours have passed, when JARVIS announces Bruce arrival.  
“Mister Banner just arrived, Sir.”  
Loki who´s been lying calmly on his side, gets up quicker than necessary, the nervousity laying in every single one of his movements, as he walks across the room, to Tony.  
“As I told you, nothing to worry about. I promise you it´s an art form to get this guy to even smile, no matter what you tell him, he won´t laugh at you.”  
Loki nods, quietly reaching for Tony´s hand and they both walk up to the landing place.

“Bruce!” Tony walks over to him and they hug each other shortly, while Loki stands beside eying Bruce carefully.  
“Thanks for coming so quickly.”  
“No problem, hello Loki.” Bruce stretches out one hand with a slight smile and Loki takes it, no sign of emotion, except for a bit of fear on his face.

“Hello.” Loki withdraws his hand quickly and crosses his arms behind his back.  
“Thanks to Tony, I´ll be having a huge jetlag and I´ll sleep for a bit. You should too, I know your sleeping schedule hasn´t gotten any better.”  
Bruce looks at Tony with a lifted brow. 

“Got me there Doc.” Tony smiles widely. “Your room is prepared, go get your beauty sleep.”  
Bruce sighs as he walks to the elevator. Not even five minutes and this guy got him annoyed...not that he somehow likes it.  
“You too, even Iron Man needs a bit of rest!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One question, I´m thinking about writing an AU with frostiron.  
> Vampire or Merman?  
> Also I love all of your comments, thank you.


	13. Physical check-up

“Sir?” JARVIS`s voice pulls Tony out of a deep sleep. “Mister Laufeyson, as well as Mister Banner awoke.”   
Tony groans and turns around to protect his eyes from the stinging light.  
“What´re they doing?” He mumbles and even Tony´s impressed that JARVIS understood it.  
“They´re about to begin with the psychological and medical check-up Sir.”  
“Imma be there…just 5 more minutes Jarv…”

5 more minutes turn into ten…and twenty…and fifty…

“Loki?” Bruce looks up from a few papers and shoves back his glasses.  
The other lifts his gaze from a book and watches him questioning.  
“We should start now, there´s no use in waiting for Tony. Are you okay with that?”  
Loki nods shortly and gets up. He hasn´t spoken a single word to Bruce yet, all he did was carefully inspecting every single one of his movements.   
The constant observation makes Bruce feel weird but he ignores it as far as possible. He´s good at ignoring things but this…this just makes everything even weirder. 

“You want to start with the physical or psychological part first?”  
Loki remains quiet, just shrugs his shoulders a little. A small wave of aggression hits Bruce but he fights it without trouble and rubs his temples to calm himself.   
“Loki for real. I can understand you don´t trust me, but you could at least try talking to me.”  
Nothing but more silence, but just when Bruce was about to ask him a second time, to finally, just speak, Loki opens his mouth.   
“How much did he tell you about me?”  
His voice is soaking with distrust and he keeps playing around on his already reddened fingers.

“That doesn´t matter. He didn´t tell me anything bad, and even if, I´m here to make my own picture. And it really would help if you would cooperate a bit.”  
After a few more seconds of silence Loki seems to have changed his mind.  
“I´d like to start with the physical check-up, if you´re alright with that.”  
Bruce sighs relieved. Finally, something.   
He nods and asks him to take off the heavy armour, while preparing the necessary tools. 

Loki sits down and Bruce raises a brow when his gaze falls upon the pale, too thin body that´s covered with bruises and nervous, red scratches.   
Now he really gets what Tony was fussing about all the time. A bitter smile plays around Loki´s mouth.  
“That bad?”  
“I didn´t expect it, no. But…now let´s check your blood pressure, if you would stretch out one arm please…”  
Without questioning Loki does so and Bruce is glad that that this isn´t getting even more complicated than it is anyway.   
Bruce explains every single step he does, with a soothing voice, that´s somehow taking the pressure out of the situation.  
“I´ll just put this around your arm, it´s cold, it gives me the exact data of the blood pressure as well as the body temperature…it´s a bit difficult, since our medicine knowledge contains nothing about extra-terrestrial life forms…”

Loki looks at the bandage, that´s wrapped tightly around his arm. It is in fact cold and it displays numbers, that slowly start to balance themselves to an exact figure.   
“Our measurements are different, but converted to your system; the blood pressure is like…five percent under average.”

Bruce looks up from his pad.   
“Looks like I´m having a specialist here.”  
“Take a wild guess, who was always healing and stitching up Thor, after he came to the realisation that his so called ´plans´ weren´t as elaborate as he thought.”  
They both smile a little at each other and the atmosphere gets more comfortable.

Bruce writes down the data together with a few side notes.   
“What about your body temperature in Celsuis? You´ve got 27° right now. Normal?”  
Loki looks up, while he´s calculating in his head.  
“27 degrees... Usually it should be around thirty, for one of my kind.”  
“Mhm…” Again he writes the new information down. “Seems like you´re a really smart one.”  
“Did you ever doubt that?”

Loki grins a little while trying to catch a look at Bruce´s notes.   
“I never did, but tell me, 30 degrees still aren´t much especially compared to Thor, he´s usually about 39 or 40.”  
“I´m different from him in many matters. Our genetical roots aren´t the same. Adopted remember? I belong to the race of so called Frost Giants.”  
“Could I…see?” Bruce can´t contain his curiosity, it´s so exciting to see something no human has ever seen before…he clears his throat to recompose himself and adds a friendly “If you´re okay with that.”

Loki hesitates and chews on his sore lips, but he can´t resist the sort of adorable mix of nosiness and excitement in Bruce´s eyes.   
He focuses a little and he feels that his body changes.   
It actually feels like a relief like a tension that falls of him, but he looks down at the light patterns on pale blue surface with disgust.  
It´s what he learned to hate and fear since childhood´s hour…he closes his bright red eyes with shame. He doesn´t want to see himself…not while being like that.

Meanwhile Bruce looks at him fascinated. Never had he seen anything like it, he hovers his hand over the blue skin and can feel the cold radiating from it.   
“You can touch it…” Loki´s voice is quiet and he looks, down, his long lashes covering his crimson eyes.

Bruce draws his hand away…he´s sensitive enough to feel that something is wrong and sits down next to him with a bit of space between them.   
“What´s the matter?”  
“It´s just that this…this is nothing to be proud of. It´s evidence that I belong to a race of monsters and there´s no way I can ever change it…”  
Bruce listens silently. How familiar these thoughts sound to him…

“You´re not…this isn´t what defines you. I know a lot about monsters…and I can tell you, that you aren´t one. Not even in New York.  
Loki opens his eyes again and furrows his brows, he expects to find dishonesty in Bruce´s statement, but instead he only notices the sincerity in his voice.

“What makes you think that?”   
“You look deeply, deeply hurt…”  
Loki swallows and blinks away the sudden wetness that had gathered in his eyes all of a sudden.   
“But maybe you should-“   
“Should what?!” Loki raises his head with one quick movement. “Pull myself together? Is that what you want to say? As if this isn´t what I´ve done my whole life!”  
He gets up quickly and stands in front of Bruce in a self-defending pose, desperately gesturing with his hands.  
“Isn´t it…didn´t I finally deserve to just…let it happen? What could I possibly endure more? What else is yet to come? Isn´t it finally enough to be allowed to…to be permitted to just stop?”  
His voice breaks a little, and his last words were jittery. It gives Bruce´s heart a sharp pinch.

“Loki?” Bruce looks at him sadly. He knows that feeling…he knows it far too well and before he can think further, he gets up and lays a hand on the cold, hanging shoulder.   
“What?” His voice is low and faint. 

“Because it´s too early for you…you can´t go yet…”

A bitter laugh comes from Loki´s mouth.   
“That seems to be my fate…twice have I been betrayed for death. And both times I got so much worse in exchange…don´t expect me to hope for better.”  
Bruce gulps a little.   
“Would you like to talk about it…? I…I understand.”  
Loki hesitates…why should I share the ongoing shame of his life? With a stranger?   
Worse, an enemy.   
But his dark hair falls forward as he silently nods and breaths out a barely audible “Yes.”


	14. Psychological check-up. (Or something like that...)

Loki changes back to his regular form…he can´t stand looking at this body anymore…it´s too much to handle.   
“Can I please put my clothes back on?”   
“Of course, just…” Bruce is looking through his bags, throwing a few items on the floor. “It´s got to be here, just hold on, one moment…”

A slight nod comes from Loki, as he puts his shirt and trousers back on. He doesn´t even attempts to put the complicated armour back on, his jittery hands would make it an embarrassing disaster.  
And he wouldn´t let that happen, especially not after the shame he brought upon himself.   
He wishes he didn´t say a word…he doesn´t want to talk about it, no it´s better to just keep it in, lock those terribly thoughts away and seal their prison with an unyielding silence…but it´s too late now.   
He broke the promise he gave himself in a single moment of weakness and hates himself for it.

He´s being pulled out of his self-loathing thoughts by Bruce, who´s holding a few items in his hands, Loki can´t identify.   
Bruce lays them down on the table and shoves his glasses back up.  
“These are tools to relieve pressure and stress. They´re actually helping a lot, for example…” he holds up a plastic vascular, filled with, what seems to be blue dough. “This is therapy dough. You can just knead it, form it, dug your nails into it…so your hands have something to do, other than to scratch themselves open, you see?”

Loki stretches out one hand and reaches for it. This actually makes a bit of sense.  
He gets out the blue stuff and squeezes it. Its texture is smooth, it takes a surprising lot of effort to knead it, but that´s just the right thing…  
“It´s good…” He scratches, claws and presses the dough. The resistance of the substance and the related strength it takes to knead it distracts his hands completely.   
With this pressure taken from him, he´s able to take a few deep breaths.

 

Bruce watches his reaction and when he can see that it actually calms him down enough, he sits down next to him.   
“If you want to, you can tell me now…” He does his best, to not make Loki feel pressured. Bruce himself knows how much he hates it, when people want him to get to talk. It makes him angry…  
But this isn´t really on his mind at the moment, he just focuses on Loki, who´s still tormenting the piece of dough with his sharp nails.   
He nods slightly and looks up from his working hands. 

“Yes…it´s just…I don´t know it´s difficult for me to just…talk like that. Could you, like…ask a question? To just get it started?”  
A nervous cough comes out of his throat and he keeps shifting on his seat, unable to find a comfortable position.   
“Of course…” He thinks a bit, even though a question pops onto his instantly. Even though he´s hoping to find another one, a more careful one, he can´t find any and finally speaks up a little insecure. “No offense, but when you said `Frost Giant` I sort of…I thought you´d be taller…”

He immediately regrets asking the question when Loki sighs and as his hand clenches tighter around the blue dough. But he forces a small, painful laugh from his thin lips. 

“Ironically this question just guides us to the very beginning of the story…You´re right. I´m not the way a Frost Giant was supposed to be…I´ve been born weaker and smaller than the average giant.   
I´ve even been so much below the expectations that my father, couldn´t stand the shame to emerge me as his son, he kept me hidden in a small chamber, so far away from the centre of the castle, that no one would accidentally come across it, or hear my treacherous cries at night…  
When the war reached the palace itself, the servants ran in terror. There was no time, to remember the unwanted off-spring of the king…it´s like a gruesome wonder, that when Odin wandered through the abandoned parts of the castle after everyone either escaped or laid dead on the cold floor, he got to exactly that cursed door and chose to open it.”

Throughout telling the story, a bitter mix of sadness and hate crept into his voice and a shiver runs down Bruce´s spine, at the intensity of both feelings. He´s glad Loki has the dough, then with the pace and force he´s clawing and scratching into it now, he would have surely got himself hurt seriously, if he did this to his poor skin. 

“The Jotun blood on his hands, hasn´t even dried yet, when he picked me up. I wish he would have just snapped my little neck and left…but the cruel forces that led his way caused him to instead save my pitiful life, instead of sparing me this monstrous fate.” 

Silence settles between them and the longer it lasts, the harder it is for either of them to break it.   
But it aren´t words that finally pierce the quiet, but a choked sob, that shakes Loki´s body. Bruce feels is if is heart has to break by looking at this.

He gulps as he carefully lays one hand on Loki´s trembling shoulder, expecting him to snap and hiss at him, but instead he turns a little more in his direction and Bruce finds the courage to lay his entire arm around the shaking figure, to express his deep compassion.   
Memories from his own past well up and he notices how stinging tears have gathered in his eyes, while he´s stroking lightly over Loki´s arm. 

“I can understand.” Bruce presses out the sentence out of his tight throat and after a few seconds in which he´s able to feel the sinister, deep truth in those words, Loki puts the dough back in the small container, the same pale fingers that were digging into the lifeless object so mercilessly, softly take Bruce´s resting hand and gives it a gentle, squeeze.   
“I´m so very sorry to hear that…”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Thor 1 out of Loki´s view.   
> Damn Loki why is your life so full of shit...

Bruce remains quiet. He´s afraid that when he speaks a word, the knot in his throat would open and he would have to cry. So he just keeps his arm around Loki and looks down on their crossed fingers.   
This isn´t a romantic gesture, more a connection that should show the other, that he´s being understood and isn´t alone anymore.  
It´s somewhat soothing and even though body contact usually makes Bruce very uncomfortable, this is completely okay. Even a bit more than okay, actually…

Loki clears his throat a little. Admitting that he´s wrong is one of the worst things he can imagine, but actually speaking wasn´t as horrific as he expected it to be and now that he started, he wants to talk further, bring the thoughts, that has been buried so deep inside him and caused him so much pain to the surface, where they wouldn´t be able to torment his soul so heavily.   
But he can´t. How would he look like doing so?

Answering these questions, he finds himself caught in a dilemma…talking means to soothe his pain, to get the chance to actually feel better…but how could he feel better, when he would be known as weak and…pathetic…

“Hey, Loki!” Bruce shakes his shoulder lightly. Loki flinches and tilts his head, it seems as if Bruce has called his name several time, without him realizing it.   
“I´m sorry, I was thinking…what were you saying?”  
“Just asking how you got to Tony now. Like…I don´t understand how this is connected yet.”  
Loki sharply scratches over the back of his hand, when he finds himself not strong enough to keep himself together and let´s out a pained little sound. Bruce hands over the dough and Loki takes it with a small nod and begins to knead it with a quick pace.

“What do you want to know?”   
He hates the tremble that goes through his voice and he dugs his nails deeper into the blue mass.   
“I don´t know…as much as you want to tell me.”  
“So...I grew up as Thor´s brother…but it just didn´t feel right, something always was wrong. I´ve been blind with fear of the truth, so I have never realised the true source of this strange feeling, that followed me all the time and never seemed to leave me. It just grew stronger whenever I noticed how uneven me and Thor were treated…there was something wrong and I noticed it, it was entirely impossible to ignore it, even my mother had to admit it. She took care of me instead, but it was the love that I couldn´t get that attracted me.  
I´ve worked, harder and harder and harder, to impress my father, to show him how much I try and while Thor was playing, getting home dirty and always being in trouble, I´ve…I´ve been perfect!  
I´ve studied, read the entire night and day, practiced sorcery, learned everything about the history and policy of every single one of the nine realms to make a worthy king one day and yet, yet Thor got everything I was working for! He just-“ 

His voice has gotten louder and breaks midsentence. When he continues it has become low and hopeless instead  
“If I knew that I could never get what I long for, neither the affection, nor the throne I´ve been working for so hardly, I maybe wouldn´t have sacrificed my youth for it.” 

Damn…that´s hard. Bruce looks down a little. 

“What happened then?”   
Loki keeps speaking quickly, before he could change his mind.   
“The anger and envy build up through the years. It got more and more difficult, to stay on the same level as my brother. His popularity was immense, he seeked war and battle…sometimes I had the ´honour´ to join him and his new friends as they fought their quests and came home with glorious trophies. Asgard is a land ruled by warriors. Physical strength and skill in battle are rated higher than knowledge and intelligence. Unfortunately that was the only thing I´ve got.

So I´ve started to use my wit to trick and cheat, lie and betray the people that surrounded me, but not even with my elaborate lies, I could manage to reach my brother´s worth…not even the best I could do was good enough to just be equal to him. And I hated him for it. I hated him so very much.

His coronation came way too soon, he still was eager for war and lusted for blood and adventure, and these shouldn´t be the motives of a good king. This fact, made me even more furious and I decided to ruin his perfect day, by letting it get interrupted by the most tedious and hated creatures I could find. I made a deal with some Frost Giants and gave them access to the secret parts of the castle at said, glorious day.

The plan worked just fine…Thor remained a prince, instead of getting the title of a king. But I wasn´t prepared for how his anger about it would show. Surely I did expect an outburst, but when he decided to actually go to Jotunheim to `show them where they belong` even I was shocked by his blind rage.   
The avoidable battle that followed, was short, bloody and inglorious.   
Between cold, gore and death I got to find out my true origins.”  
Loki takes a short break, to calm down a little and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. 

“In the aftermath, Thor got banished to Midgard and Odin, exhausted by the stress of the past days fell into Odinsleep…in other words without a precaution and through loss I suddenly got the power that has been denied to me for such a long time. But it fell upon me in the wrong moment…I was overwhelmed with pain…but I saw it as a chance to show my point…to show where I belong and who I am choosing.

I tricked Laufey, made him attempt to kill Odin to just…” Bitter sarcasm drops from his next words. “So that I could make it look like as if I would have saved his life…as if I´ve been heroic and strong and wouldn´t have hesitated to show who my true father was. Laufey didn´t deserve better. Because I hated him…I still do…I hate all the giants with every bit of my heart. After the little theater, I´ve played, I went to fulfil my brothers plan of destroying their race, with the only difference, that I knew I had the power to succeed. And then…then he got back to stop me!”

He laughs out with a small hint of madness, caused by pain.

“He, he who wanted them all dead, appeared again in times of distress, to stop his evil, little brother after all...”

Bruce listens quietly, without interrupting just once.   
Thor told the story from a different point of view and even though he thinks that both parts, didn´t quite capture the truth with their version, he can understand the pain behind both them.

“Our fight took its culmination on the Bifröst, it´s…it´s like a bridge crossing over the abyss. I´ve lost the fight, after Odin awoke from his sleep and joined Thor. I hang off the bridge…I was still holding onto this cursed royal sceptre and Thor...he was begging me to stay…maybe I should have…but I didn´t...I let go and fell. I kept falling…falling directly into the hand of the chitauri, lead by Thanos.  
I was weakened, close to the death I´ve been hoping to achieve and yet it was denied to me a second time. They´ve build me up again, with even more fear and hatred and…and with more pain.”

He physically isn´t able to talk further for a while, just draws in some shaky breaths and lets his head fall down.   
“I…Thanos gave me the…the honour to lead his troops. As repayment I´d get my freedom and get to rule over earth. But if I fail…he´d leave me to the Chitauri to let out their disappointment and rage over their losses on me. They´re not exactly subtle but incredibly creative, when it comes to making a creature suffer.”

He looks up only as far as necessary and shoves his sleeve a bit up, to reveal a rather long, bright red and violet scar.   
“He put a tracker in there. So they could find me anywhere in case I lose. Tony removed it.”

Somehow, this was the thing that really makes Bruce´s jaw drop after all these shocking reports. “You…you let damn Tony cut and play around with you?! No offense but…this wasn´t exactly your smartest move.”  
There´s nothing aggressive in the way Bruce says that, more worry and shock in his voice, so Loki just smiles faintly, instead of going straight into self-defence-mode.  
“Don´t…don´t get me wrong he´s a great mechanic…but he´s a mechanic, he works with metal and electricity and not with living objects…”  
“It´s not like I had much of a choice in that matter. You know I can´t make an advert in the newspaper. But as far as I can tell he did a pretty good job, if I would have been able to stay awake, I would have done it myself, better, but…” Loki shrugs lightly. “He´s been very kind to me and did everything he could. I can´t ask for more.”

Bruce nods. Yes…that sounds like Tony.  
“So…how are you feeling now? Tensed up?”  
After a moment of feeling inside himself, Loki shakes his head.   
“No…not at all. Just empty…and light. As if a weight had been taken off my chest. Somehow weird...I´m not sure if I should have told you any of this. It´s like a voice that tells me I should just shut up…I can´t wait for me to finally come to my senses to regret my decision.” 

“Loki, it´s your right to feel bad, it´s your right to talk about it and to express your feelings to others. It´s…it´s okay, you did nothing wrong, and you deserve to feel any way you want to feel. But as well is it´s okay for you to be sad, it´s just as okay for you to feel happy and to just accept that you know?”

Loki sighs and looks down.  
“Thank you…but at the moment I just feel very tired and void…”  
Bruce gets up shoving up his glasses, the way he always does when he´s getting a bit nervous.  
“I think you´ve had enough deepness for today…how about we go drink some tea and wait for Tony to wake up? I´ve learned how to perfectly infuse tea in asia I can show you...”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BREAKING NEWS: Tony Stark jealous and confused af insults tea!

Everything´s nice and warm and cosy and- Tony opens his eyes quickly.   
“Jarvis?! What time is it?”   
“12:37 am Sir.”  
He throws the blanket on the floor and gets up hastily.  
“Damndamndamndamn why didn´t you wake me up?”  
“I did Sir, after the 16th try you´ve told me, I quote ´Try waking me up one more time and I will sell your software to f***ing Apple Industries!`”   
He mumbles an apology, while putting on his trousers and stumbling towards the door.  
“Sorry Jarv, didn´t mean it…”  
Tony expects the worst, while he´s running down to the lab. At least no hulk-out, he would have noticed that…or would he? 

How could he leave two emotional unstable people like that, to do a psychological stressful check-up?!

He rushes into the empty lab…nothing. Bruce´s bag is being emptied and the items are spread on the floor. Usually he even folds his damn socks and puts them neatly where they belong…what if Loki snapped and Bruce had to escape to not get a relapse?  
Or what if-  
Every single one of the horror scenarios he´s been building up into his head in the past minutes is quickly destroyed by something way more frightening. 

“He did what? Oh how very amusing!” Loki sips from a cup of steaming tea, while Bruce…laughed?   
“Yes, I couldn´t believe it myself! I got into the lab and the- oh hey, Tony!”  
They both look up and Bruce scratches his neck and blushes a little, as if he just got caught doing something forbidden, they look back at each other and start laughing loudly again.   
Loki holds a hand in front of his mouth and almost chokes on his tea, which causes Bruce to giggle louder. 

Wait...giggle? Tony rubs his eyes.  
Bruce just…doesn´t giggle this isn´t a thing Bruce does. An insecure laugh every now and then but not this.   
“Shh! He´s here now!”   
“Okay, okay.” Loki coughs between laughing to calm down. “Tony, do you want some tea? Bruce has an incredible talent, I´ve never had a tea with this quality!”   
Bruce blushes a bit more, while Loki takes another sip from his cup.

What, just what the fuck is even going on?  
Tony frowns and shakes his head, what mysteriously causes both of them to laugh again.   
“For fucks sake, what´s even going on?!”   
They have managed to feel him, Tony Stark, insecure. What kind of sick parallel universe has he been beamed into?  
Bruce giggling, Loki praising tea and Tony Stark being shy…he´s sober this shouldn´t be happening!

But when he rethinks the situation, he actually notices how relieved he is. No one has smashed anything, no one hurt himself or the other...both of them seem to be happy and relaxed with each other.  
So Tony gives it a sigh, sits down and smells on the Loki-approved tea and grimaces lightly.  
“What exactly did I miss?”

Again they exchange a look and Loki nods slightly, before sipping on his drink again.

“We´ve talked a lot, I´m 100% up to date now. I´ll talk later to you, okay? For now it´s better if we keep it slow. Tea?”  
Tony´s look of confusion is so comical that the tension that has gathered around Loki again simply breaks off with a small laugh.   
“You should see your face right now, you look like a Sirma that just learnt about Ygdrasil!”  
“What the actual fuck…” His confusion increases even more and Loki laughs again lightly.   
“Also I don´t like tea, it´s just… tasteless leaf water or whatever.” Bruce gasps a little and looks at Loki, who forms the words: “Lowbrow” in Bruce´s direction and he just shakes his head in disbelief while drinking some more tea.

"You became besties while I was asleep or what?"   
"Tony, you sound as if you were jealous."   
"Haha, I´m not jealous!"  
"Stark, you´ve just missed a bit..."  
`Yes I did...´ Tony thinks to himself, while drinking his coffee, but the thought that Jarvis would show him all the footage in HD later comforts him.


	17. Chapter 17

Since the talk with Bruce, things have changed; Loki has gotten more vulnerable.  
He doesn´t seek much action, all in all he just seems very tired and exhausted. 

But why not a few lazy days?   
Tony and Bruce work together on the promised project, but it´s an open schedule and the atmosphere stays relaxed. Sometimes Loki watches, how they try different things.  
Mostly he looks curious, a few times he smiled at it and once he laughed and called Tony an idiot, when he made two wires touch on accident, and the small cube in front of him explodes, causing Tony to back away and almost fall. 

Mischievous little shit…

When he doesn´t watch, he either spends hours in the bathroom and even though it´s Tony´s favourite bathroom and he blocks it, just whenever he needs it, he couldn´t be angry, when Loki walks out of it with a small glow on his cheeks, wrapped in a bathrobe and a soft smell of cassis flowing around him. 

Also he has started to try out the unknown ingredients and possibilities in the kitchen. He and Bruce have figured out that baking, doing something with his hands, instead of overthinking everything, does help Loki to relief stress.   
His experiments end with unusual but delicious pastries of any form, even though they´re mostly sweet. Cookies with ginger and raspberry in them, brownies with chunks of pumpkin and muffins with candied violet and mint. 

Tony surely likes this sort of stress relief and keeps praising the pastries, while rebuilding the cube that exploded earlier.  
Bruce doesn´t keep working, he always takes a break, to eat a few cookies with Loki and to drink some tea, while exchanging soothing superficialities and from time to time, JARVIS participates in the conversation. 

Loki got used to him and doesn´t sees him as a threat anymore.   
An invisible butler? He had seen worse and weirder things, so why in the nine, not?

Also he seems to be very helpful.   
There´s a silent arrangement, that Loki sleeps in Tony´s bedroom, since he doesn´t feel comfortable being on his own at the moment.   
Loki goes to bed very early and Tony goes to bed very late. That´s a problem, especially since Loki tends to overthink and tense up, when actually he should sleep.

When this happens, JARVIS offers him to give him more information about Midgard, reading long Wikipedia entries, definitions of certain things and basic pieces of literature to him, until Loki is calmed down enough to sleep.

Also he does inform Tony, when Loki´s nightmares start, which is the case almost every night right now.   
Tony then finds the god, rolled up on the bed, his face as white as the sheets, with pearls of sweat on his forehead and tears leaking from his eyes. 

He takes a few quick steps towards the bed and gently lays a hand on Loki´s shoulder and shakes it.  
“Lokes?” Green eyes open quickly and the writhing body freezes for a second until he can recognise Tony´s face in the warm light that shines through the opened door.   
He nods breathlessly as a response and falls back down on the pillows. 

“Give me a moment…” Tony quickly changes into pyjamas, before lying down in the bed next to Loki, laying an arm around him.   
Loki told him that he´s alright with being touched or hugged, if he doesn´t say something against it or gives a sign to back off. Knowing that makes Tony way more confident, he always was confused with what may be too close for him or what was possibly too distant…but this problem doesn´t seem to be there anymore. 

“Bad dream?”   
“Obviously …sure you´re the genius?”  
Tony laughs lightly and pulls him a bit closer. Loki being sassy means that he gathered himself a bit and that´s definitely something to be happy about. 

“Pretty sure, since I´ve invented good old Jarv so I could wake you up.”  
“You´ve got a point there…”

The silence in which they lay in for a few minutes, starts out comfortable, but it changes after a while, in which Loki has started to think and tense up again.

“I´m sorry…I don´t want to annoy you. I truly am grateful for what you´re doing.”  
“Huh?” Tony tilts his head confused. 

“I didn´t mean to…I promise once I feel better I´m more fun again, I can be…I can be entertaining and witty and…worth your while.”  
Tony just stares at him for a few seconds.  
“Loki I think we´ve got some misunderstanding there…”  
It´s like Loki hasn´t even heard what the other has said, he just keeps talking, the words coming out quicker and a bit choked. 

“You don´t have to…I can wake up on my own next time, these are just nightmares…I can fix it…”  
“Loki.” Tony´s voice has gotten more firm and he stops. “Listen to me, everything is fine. Okay? I will go and wake you up whenever it´s necessary, you don´t have to do this on your own, that´s why you´re here. I want to help you and really there´s nothing wrong with that for me, you see?”

Loki nods slightly, looking down, while he begins to chew on his lower lip, considering what was just said.   
“I…I´m sorry, forgive me, I will need a bit time to adjust to these thoughts…”  
“Gosh, take all the time that you need, okay? It´s okay. Everything´s alright. No rush.”

Tony strokes from his shoulder over his arm.   
“Why are you so kind towards me?”  
“Because I like you…?”   
“In which way?”  
“Eh…which way?”   
Loki´s got enough of every of his questions being answered with a new question, even though it´s just confusion from Tony´s side he got a bit more sharp.

“Do you see me as a friend? A romantic way? A sexual way? Or do you just…pity me?”  
“Loki I don´t think this is the right time to-“  
“Tell me.”  
He has slipped out of Tony´s embrace and sits on the bed with a very serious expression on his face, demanding an answer. 

“Whatever I say, you´re just gonna twist my words and get them wrong…but I really mean it, I like you, the way you laugh and walk and talk…and I´d love to see that smile more often, because it´s just beautiful and it´s just that I like having you around. It´s simple as that and there´s nothing more of importance.”

Loki stares at him in shock. The words seem to burn into him and he falls back down on the pillows, thinking it through. The sincerity scares him beyond measures but somehow he feels relieved by it.  
“If it´s…like that, you should probably consider to tell the rest of the team about it. I can imagine that it could lead to a lot of unnecessary trouble, if you keep my presence here a secret.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn I don´t seem to be able to write anything here, sorry if there are mistakes, I will correct them as soon as my brain decides to not fuck around with me anymore.   
> I hope you enjoy it though.


	18. Chapter 18

“Telling the others?” Bruce boils some water while smiling lightly. “Why not, sounds like a good idea, to me.”  
“Good idea?" Tony huffs. "You only say that, because you´re sure Steve won´t beat your ass, because of the other guy!”   
“Don´t tell me you´re afraid of the star spangle man...” Loki grins at him this little shit...  
“First: No. Second: I will get a moral speech that will last hours. Third: He can rip fucking wood apart, with his bare motherfucking hands!”

“He will most likely rip you apart because of that horrible language of yours, Stark.”   
Tony looks at Loki a bit puzzled.  
“Who did tell you ´bout the language thing?”  
“JARVIS is a good story teller, am I right?”  
“It´s nice that it´s being appreciated for once, Mister Laufeyson.”

“Seems like someone made a friend, huh?”  
“There´s no need to be jealous, Sir. You created me, we´ll always have a special bond.”  
Bruce and Loki sit together at the table, like little hyenas, giggling uncontrollably and Tony just shakes his head while pouring himself a cup of coffee. Creepy…there are people who just don´t giggle. Bruce is one of them and Loki is one of them especially.   
Whatever, as if it would bother him, if they laugh. 

He sits down at the table as well, after he had poured himself some dark coffee.   
“So, how should we do this now?”  
Loki shrugs and sips from his tea. “You know them better than I do, I´m okay with almost every possibility as long as I don´t end up with an arrow in my head.”  
“Fair enough…”

Tony starts to go through the possibilities…he would like to just make a few phone calls, or even better send a text message, to have them all in a safe distance when they get the news. But this is too important to deal with it like that…this isn´t really an option at all.  
But should he just invite them over then? Let them sit all together at a table and then go: `Surprise! Guess who´s living here now!` and then shove Loki in front of them?

He stirs his coffee thoughtfully. This wouldn´t be a pleasant situation, matter what he does…so he can just as well go for the full. Loki and Bruce have started to talk and it gives a soothing background noise that helps him to think but…they wouldn´t…kick him out of the Avengers for that, would they?

Fury once said: “If you pull another solo thing, you´re out!”   
He talked further after that, something about morality and team spirit, everything lovingly adorned with severe insults…Tony doesn´t think he is to blame, that he had stopped listening after two minutes.  
But now Tony wishes he had taken more care to be able to rate how serious Fury really meant it.

Damn…but he was only trying to help!   
They just can´t kick him out because for once he decided to be socially helpful!  
No…they had to accept that. He surely could get Steve on his side with a bit of talking, Banner already is and Thor…Thor would go with it for sure.e   
But Natasha and Birdy will bitch about it, he can already see it coming…

“Stark? Your bean water is getting cold.”   
Loki mentions while looking at him with a slightly raised brow. 

“Bean water? Ah…yeah, sure.”  
He takes a large gulp of his coffee, only to find that it has already gotten lukewarm…eww. Tony grimaces and puts the cup back down.

“Hey, Tony…you okay?” There´s worry in Bruce´s look.  
“Yeah, yeah…just thinking a bit.”   
“Mind to enlighten us what your thoughts are about?"

“It´s just…in the past I already did a few things Fury didn´t like and now when I come with the ex-world destroyer living in my house…no offence Lokes.”  
“Ruling and destroying is something completely different…” Loki pouts, but he doesn´t seem too serious about it.

Tony laughs a little stressed. “I will keep it in mind reindeer.”  
“You´re worrying too much, you´re a firm part of the team and no one will give you shit, for this.”  
“Giving me shit? You´re getting the slang Banner. Or you´re just hanging around with me too much.” 

“JARVIS? Could you tell me more about Tolstoy, while the two geniuses talk about feces?”  
“Not until we have figured out a tactic.”  
Loki rolls his eyes lightly and groans, in an attempt to cover up his own tension, that comes up when he realizes which situation he´s in.

“Just tell them. I thought your best plan of attack, was attack.”  
“Jarv…we need to talk about how much you tell him about me. He´s starting to quote me. But maybe you´re right…”

“I have only updated him on a what happened the past months. Should I call Captain Rogers?”  
“Fuck it…just do it Jarvis.” He talks quickly, before he could change his mind again or realize that this is a dumb idea. The slow beeping sound comes from one of the speakers, but it´s interrupted after only a few seconds by a friendly sounding voice. 

“Tony! Haven´t heard from you in a while.”  
“Yes…that´s why I´m calling. We haven´t seen each other in such a long time...we should really meet again. All of us.”  
“You mean all of the Avengers?” There was silence. Bruce and Loki have gotten very quiet. “Are you in trouble Tony?”

“No, really not. I just have to share some news with you, that´s all.”  
“That´s all?”  
“Yeah, really. It´s nothing dangerous I just thought you should know.”   
“So…I should call everyone?”  
“Would be nice, Cap.”  
“…I´ll call you when I know if the others have time.”   
“You´re the best.”  
“As long as there´s no real trouble…mind if I bring Buck?”

“You can bring a lama for all I care. Just tell me when you know.”   
There´s a sigh from the other side. “Sure.” Aaaand he hang up.   
That was surprisingly okay. 

“Well, you´ve heard the Captain. We´re having a meeting.”


	19. Chapter 19

"So, you may have wondered why I gathered you all today."   
The expresions in the audience stand in no context to Tony´s smile. Well then...maybe don´t drive the happy train.   
Everyone sat at the large table, most with their arms crossed and a wary expression. Clint isn´t there yet...damn idiot must be late.  
Steve makes a calming gesture towards Natasha who seems to be back in this creepy soviet-spy mode, that makes her face say: `I know 78 ways to break your arm and none will even make my pulse go up.´  
The expression on Bucky´s face doesn´t seem much better...

"Let´s talk about second chances. We all got one at one part of our lives, right?"  
Tony looks around, hoping his charisma will do the work for him.  
"Cap wouldn´t have even gotten to the army without another chance, Natasha, Bucky...you two know as well. And I´m a good example as well."  
They don´t seem to impressed by his argumentation but Bruce gives a light thumbs up. Thanks Bruce.   
"Man of Iron...you´re trying my patience sorely..."

Loki leans against the wall, in the room next doors, because he doesn´t trusts the strength in his legs completely.  
Tony assured him that Thor would be just glad to see him again, but he´s seriously doubting it.   
What if he would just seek to imprison him again?  
Tony couldn´t stand against the will of Asgard...

"I´ve chosen to give someone a second chance, who seems to deserve it. He hasn´t betrayed my trust and I don´t think he will. I´m asking you only for one thing, let it sink in.   
Don´t make your decision too quickly or act without thought, okay?"   
Steve nods a little.   
"Tony, we can control ourselves just bring it on, you´re making everyone nervous with your talking."

"Okay, would you please come in?"  
Great. That´s his sign. Much too early, to give him enough time to regather his strength, and Loki feels a slight tremble in his legs while he´s walking through the door.  
It just doesn´t appears real, when he´s looking in those completely shocked faces, shocked by his appearance.   
He can feel his heart beat faster, while looking at each of them.

Natasha´s expression slipped for just a second, then goes quickly back to the illegable countenance, while she looks over to Steve on her left, who´s disbelief is standing way more obvious on his face. His mouth opened but then closes again as he just doesn´t seem to find the right words for the situation right now.   
He catches Bruce how he´s looking at the other sorrowfully but puts on a smile to encourage Loki.

Loki was hoping to avoid this moment a little longer but too soon his gaze swifts over to Thor.  
He looks as if he had seen a ghost and his bright, lively face is getting a little pale. 

The room is in utter silenece. No one seems to dare to break it...but Loki isn´t paying attention to the others right now, all he sees is Thor...his brother. And the stinging pain in his chest, that´s showing him clearly, just how much he had missed him, makes him feel as small and helpless as a few years ago.   
He feels two impulses. One to shake it off, this terrible feeling, that in the end had droven him insane, this feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of never reaching Thor´s level, whenever he would compare...whenever everyone would compare...  
And the second one, that makes his throat tighten and his eyes hurt, and just wants him to run towards his brother and stay close to him forever.

Loki resists both of them, as he turns away his face and sits down on the free chair, choking out a hoarse: "Hello."

It´s silent for another few seconds. Steve is the first to find his voice again.  
"Loki. What a...surpise."  
"What´s life without surprises?" 

That´s all Loki is able to say at the moment and in the way he lowers his head lightly, Tony sees that it´s better if he would speak again.  
"He lived here for almost a week by now. Loki had never once even tried to hurt me, or Bruce. Bruce knows about it as well, and if you don´t trust me with my estimate, ask him."

Bruce nods slightly, to underline Tony´s words, while tugging on the sleeve of his shirt.  
"What happened. Whole story, Stark."  
Natasha doesn´t even tries to make it sound like a question, rather than an order, but fine...Tony wouldn´t go for manners now.

"As I said he got here a week ago. Wanted me to do him a favour..." Tony felt how his story-telling skills going down the drain. "He had a nasty thing...like literally in his arm, not on it, or something, no in it."   
He could feel Loki´s glare from the side, but he doesn´t look. 

"Turned ot was a tracker. A really mean one...planted in by Thanos. I know none of us ever really heard of him, but that´s because he kept hidden, behind the big stage. He let others do the job. Loki fell straight into his hands, after the whole Bifröst thingy...as you may have noticed his methods aren´t very gentle and even though I don´t know the details, I know that Loki didn´t have much of a choice in what he did...and he´s not to blame."

Loki stares at the table in front of him. Everything about this situation is horrible...the memories that well up again, memories from different times, about Thanos, his and Thors childhood, the last days in the tower...and it all was made worse by the stares he could feel upon himself.  
They give him the creeps...their knowledge of his weakness, those things he never wanted anyone to know...but maybe it´s worth it.   
In the last days he wasn´t on the run, or having to justify himself...he didn´t have to hide, or to lie on a daily base...and maybe just maybe, after these moments of humiliation pass, it would be worth it.

He allows himself, another few seconds to brace himself for the distrustful, maybe even hateful expressions towards him, but when Loki actually looks up, he sees something more...understanding. 

Steve felt himself reminded of Bucky immediately. He let him wait in his room in the tower. He didn´t mean to scare or upset him more than necessary, and even though Loki knows how to hide it well, Steve can find a bit of the same fear and desperation in his eyes, as in Bucky´s, right after he found him again.   
He looks towards him, smiling just a little but rather warmly.

"Loki? We´ll talk about it and all...but I´m pretty sure you can stay here." He looks through the team, seeing Natasha nod slightly, Thor still paralyzed, and Bruce and Tony already into it. "I speak for all of us, when I say that we´re willing to give you a second chan-"

"Hey, guys, sorry there was this new Starbucks offer an-" Clint almost dropped his cup, when he sees Loki, surrounded by more or less approving faces.   
"...what the fuck is going on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m thinking about rewriting the entire thing. Like I don´t feel happy with it and I think it´s in the nature of the story to be a but more angsty and that the problems aren´t all solved so easily.  
> I maybe was tempted by my deeply romantic hard, who wishes everyone of those characters to be happy as soon as possible, to not give it the right amount of drama and hurt.  
> What do you think?   
> I´m more grateful for feedback than ever since I´m in a small writing crisis.  
> Thanks, already!


	20. Chapter 20

„Clint? How about you sit down a bit?“ Tony asks trying to do something about the cold atmosphere that had settled down.  
Clint remains quiet for another few seconds, blankly staring at Loki. “Are you out of your damn mind?! This guy…” He pointed with his finger to a ghostly pale Loki. “This guy made my life a living hell! You´re all so naive…I know him better than any of you!” 

Thor huffed in the background but doesn´t say anything, while Loki sits on his chair trembling lightly. “And I can tell you one thing…one thing. This guy is dangerous, he will never be anything but dangerous, his cruelty is beyond measures and if you give a fuck about this `team` or me, then you won´t do this!”

Clint´s hand that still points at Loki trembles lightly and his voice breaks towards the end.   
“You can´t do this to me.”

“Clint?” Loki himself didn´t know from where he took the courage to speak. “I…understand all the horrible things that you´ve had to endure because of me and it´s your full right to hate me…but know how deeply sorry I am and that I´m wishing for your forgiveness…”  
“I have the right to…” Those word seemed to work like a trigger for Clint and it was questionable if he even realized what Loki had said besides that. “You still dare to tell me what´s my right and what isn´t?! Damn it´s my right and I decide myself!”

Loki froze and watched while Clint let go of the cup in his hands. For a second Clint stared at the trembling fingers, that have betrayed him maybe for the first time in disbelief, before rushing towards the door.

Without another word or even a moment of hesitation Natasha gets up and follows him quickly, leaving the others in quiet shock. 

Surprisingly it isn´t Steve to break the silence, but Bucky.

“I want Loki to get another chance.” His voice sounds hoarse, as if he doesn´t use it very often and Steve turns to him rather quickly.   
“Bucky, we maybe should think about it a bit longer…”  
“Do you remember the time in front of the court?” All Steve is able to do is nod a little, while the others look at both of them. “Every passing day, every moment of hesitation of the judges was pure hell. And believe me…I had enough hell at that point.”

Steve gulps…he remembers far too well.   
“What about Clint? This is horrible for him…”  
“Tony lives with me in peace, he never showed any anger towards me, even though he knows about…about his parents. And that I...”   
Even though Bucky sounds a bit weak at the end, it doesn´t seem as if he would let go and Steve sighs a little in defeat.

He will have to talk to Clint later…he´s a good person and it seems as if Loki really wants to apologise.   
“Fine…but we will only make a decision for the next week, without Clint and Natasha´s agreement we can´t decide more than that.”

Bucky nods towards Loki lightly and for a second it seems as if there´s a quiet agreement build on understanding between them. 

Steve however still doesn´t feel entirely comfortable. He doesn´t only holds the responsibility for a single person right now, but for his entire team, if not the entire world.  
“We make a vote now. In a week we´ll vote again, Loki won´t leave the tower during this time.” Steve looks Loki directly in the eyes, a thing he had avoided until now. “There will be a way. So who agrees that Loki stays in the tower and doesn´t have to face the American court now?”

Loki feels the faint idea of an ironic comment well up through the fear and insecurity. Truly this just sounds stupid, but what to expect from a man running around in a star spangle suit?

But those thoughts are quickly silenced, when he sees one hand after the other rise.  
Tony´s hand is up the first and he gives Loki a reassuring smile, Bucky raises his normal hand at the same time, Bruce gives his vote.

The last one to agree is Thor.   
He mumbles quietly, yet audible for everyone: “One week…”


	21. Reactions

In the evening, there´s a loud knock on Steve´s door. A demanding one, that doesn´t even wait for an answer, quickly the door is being opened with too much force and Thor steps in with an expression between angry and thoughtful.  
“Steve? I demand to talk to you?” His voice sounds like a faint rumble of thunder and Steve makes a calming gesture towards Bucky when he notices that he tenses up. 

“What is it?”   
“Loki and Stark.”  
Bucky´s tension grows, he was lying in bed next to Steve just before Thor entered. 

Almost peacefully, just a few minutes away from falling asleep, but now he sits up in bed, barely having enough control over himself, to not get up and in a self-defending position.

Steve could have slapped Thor for his timing, but he´s not that kind of person, so he strokes over Bucky´s shoulder soothingly, a small gesture that had settled between the both of them, to assure the other that everything´s alright.

“Sure, let´s go outside for a minute. I´ll be back soon, Buck, if anything´s wrong just open the door and I´ll be there, promise.”

Bucky nods warily as an answer, still holding his hands in fists and looking towards the door as if he was measuring his oppurtunity of running away.   
For a second Steve glares at Thor, but he already turned away and walks outside.

Thor stands near the door impatiently, the anger clearly written on his face.   
When they both are outside and the door closes behind Steve, he immediately begins to talk.

“You have to see that this mixture is toxic, it can´t work out and it won´t!”  
Not even a hint of doubt is in Thor´s voice…he´s always so very secure about what he says.  
Steve sigh again.

“Slow down, what´re you even talking about?”  
“Stark and Loki. We both know that Stark can be dangerous, destructive in his attempts of helping, all he needs is a small trigger, a little bit of manipulation and he will do anything that appears right to him at this very moment.” Thor huffs. “And Loki is exactly that piece that will send him over the edge, get him insane maybe.   
He´s already so close…you know I don´t fully trust him. Truly you mustn´t allow this.”

Steve nods a little and looks at the wall thoughtfully, avoiding Thor´s eyes who seem to glow with...anger? Or even jealousy?  
Whatever.

Sure Steve thought about the risks as well…Tony´s difficult from time to time and he´s not as composed with his issues as the others of the team are…it could really get dangerous, when he gets so close to an unpredictable person like Loki.

But Tony seemed so sincere, as if helping another being (even though the other being is a complete madman) would have changed a bit of his view, Steve had never seen him talk with such passion and honesty for someone that isn´t himself.

He shakes his head sharply.  
“I already thought about it, but for now we decided to give it a try you gave your vote and until the next week nothing will change.” 

The god grumbles and turns around quick enough to make his cape flow.   
“This week, is one week too much if you ask me.”

Steve lays his hands on the doorknob again.  
“We can talk if you have something else but about this we´re pretty clear now.”

He opens the door and nods towards Thor´s disappearing figure, as if he would see the gesture, before opening it and turning to Bucky.  
“Already back, didn´t take long, just as promised.”

Bucky still is sitting, he hasn´t moved and inch but as soon as Steve closes the door again he seems to relax.  
“Good.”

 

Natasha and Clint

“Clint?” Natasha´s voice is filled with an unusual compassion, when she hands over a steaming mug, filled with coffee.   
He doesn´t even look up, just reaches for the cup precisely and takes it.

He´s always able to amaze her by the way he doesn´t even has to look anymore to hit his target…in this case the cup.   
Sometimes she believes he has the sixth sense or something. Otherwise the whole ´shooting arrows without turning around´ thing wouldn´t work.

Natasha is good, very good when it comes to making people tell secrets, things they actually didn’t mean to say, make them do what she wants…short: Manipulation.

But she promised herself to not use this on Clint, ever.  
At least not on purpose.  
So it comes that her words sound a little insecure, when she begins to speak. 

“Clint, please talk to me.”  
He looks up a little and this small movement seems to take a lot of strength, the burning anger is gone and only a numb, painful expression is to be seen, reflecting on every feature of his face.  
Natasha hates it...this hopelessness so deep in his eyes, deep sorrowful lines, on on his forehead and around his unmoved mouth.

“I don´t know what to say anymore Nat.” Clints voice sounds so faint and quiet, it´s hurting her to hear.   
“I understand how difficult this is…I really do. But please if there´s anything I can do, to make you feel better…”

She looks down.   
Clint is the only one, who could make her let go of the mask that shows strength and unbreakable confidence. The one who could make her feel a thing, the one who is able to reach her and support her whenever necessary, now sits in front of her in a chair, his legs pulled up, staring into nowhere. Broken.

“It´s okay, you do everything. I´m glad you´re here, just stay, alright?”   
Natasha nods a little and sits down on the chair next to him again. 

She tries to remember the facts, compare Loki´s expression with his words, when he said them, calculating the real risk, but all she can do is hate him for what he´d done to Clint, with a rare passion.

Her rationality being drained out, is a feeling she doesn´t experience often.  
Even though it makes her feel insecure, vulnerable…it makes her feel like a human being as well and that somehow is strangely good from time to time.

Natasha lays her head on Clint´s shoulder to show her compassion, without unnecessary words.   
A strange silence settles between them, which lasts for a long time and the coffee Clint his holding in his hands to warm his icy fingers, gets cold.


End file.
